South Park (Comedy Central) — Season premiere. As Vince pointed out the other day, the 15th season begins with an episode based on Human Centipede called “Humancentipad,” which my DVR awesomely misspelled as both “Humanceltipad” and “Hunancentipad.” I like to think that those variants involve the Celtics and Chinese food, respectively.
Justified (FX) — Although the same can be said for several other episodes this season, tonight’s installment is generating a lot of buzz among critics. Apparently Raylan doesn’t take the events of last week’s episode well, and the result is what some people are calling his Emmy submission for Best Actor in a Lead Role.
American Idol (Fox) — There are only six contestants left, and they’re all singing Carole King songs tonight. And I might tune in just to vote against whoever sings “You’re So Vain.” I’d rather listen to “Mambo No. 5” than listen to King bitch her way that through that song. Of COURSE he thinks the song is about him! It IS about him! You even laid out specific details of the relationship! DIE. (Edit: Whoops, my Carly Simon-Carole King Differentiator™ seems to be broken. The sentiment remains the same.)
Happy Endings (ABC) — Damon Wayans guest stars on his son’s new show. Not the most thrilling development, I know, but you should tune in. This is a solid new sitcom.
Workaholics (Comedy Central) — Is anyone else watching this? Granted, there are huge chunks of it that are juvenile and stupid, but it’s also frequently hilarious. I was in tears during the ceiling tile challenge.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kate Hudson on Letterman; Ice-T on Colbert; Matthew McConaughey and Amy Smart on Ferguson; Tracy Morgan on Fallon; and Rene Russo comes all the way from 1999 to visit Leno (she’s now in Thor, for anyone who likes defusing jokes in the comments). Full listings at TV Squad.