30 Rock (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Please don’t misinterpret my “ugh” as an orgasmic “ugh.” It’s the kind of “ugh” that you mutter when you see Paula Deen make mouth love with a cannoli, or in this case, when a remarkably daft swimmer guest stars on a great sitcom. Or maybe I’m just bitter 30 Rock didn’t cast his lovely sister.
The Office (NBC, 9 p.m.) — Dwight rents a bus to use as his office (“Ass, gas, or Battlestar Galactica DVDs, no one rides for free”), while Jim uses pie to cheer up Pam. That doesn’t sound as multidimensional as last season’s “Nellie learns how to eat a taco” plot, which I’m glad I forgot about until now, otherwise I would have been pissed that it didn’t win every Emmy.
Parks and Recreation (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) — The mysterious Congressman Murray is finally revealed. He’s played by Adam Harrington, which should appease the 12 people who watched The Mob Doctor pilot and thought to themselves, “I hope that Harrington fellow…wait. This isn’t NCIS.”
Little Shop of Gypsies (TLC, 10 p.m.) — SPOILER. A giant plant named Tawdry eats all the gypsies, before making its way to TLC headquarters in Florida (probably), where Tawdry destroys everyone and everything in sight. The next day newspaper headlines read, “Hero Plant Saves World.”
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia/The League (FX, 10 p.m.) — The gang recycles their trash (the return of Trash Man?!?), and the league argues whether Chalupa Batman McArthur should be circumcised. Speaking of penises: JENNY AND SHIVA KISSING GIF.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Matthew Fox, Emily VanCamp, and Paul Weller on Kimmel; Kelsey Grammer, Casey Wilson, and Ben Hague on Ferguson; Jeff Goldblum and Maggie Q on Conan; Barack Obama on Stewart; and the Killers on Colbert.