You Can Now Buy A ‘Tactleneck’ Like The One On ‘Archer’

Senior Pop Culture Editor
01.08.15 3 Comments

Sterling Archer didn’t invent the turtleneck, but he was the one who realized its potential as a tactical garment. A tactleneck, if you will. And if you want to be like everyone’s favorite Gator-loving, Woodhouse-terrorizing spy, first, rip out your vocal cords and replace them with H. Jon Benjamin’s and then take a look at this officially-licensed “Tactleneck.”

Made from the finest Azerbaijani cashmere, snug enough to accentuate your abs, the Archer-approved Tactleneck comes in the two most stealthily stylish colorways: black and slightly darker black. Knit to perfectly fit a shoulder holster, suave enough to impress your personal Lana, and rugged enough to take down every KGB douchebag. Stock up now, because it’s easier to just put another one on than it is to patch ninja star rips. And we got a special government-contractor discount just for you. Krav Maga training and bulletproofing sold separately. (*Just so you don’t sue us or try to actually be the world’s most dangerous secret agent while wearing our Tactleneck, you should know that we’re kidding about everything in this description. You will, however, look suave as hell, and quantities are SUPER limited, so get on it.)

*Disclaimer: This is not made of Azerbaijani cashmere and it only comes in one color. It is 100% real though.

Ingest some gummy bears and scotch while wearing one of these, and you’ll be the hit of the orgy that you’re attending before watching the Archer season premiere tonight.

JackThreads via @pilot

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