Zoo, my favorite show in the whole wide world, and possibly the greatest show in the history of television, did it again last night. For those of you who haven’t been keeping up with CBS’s animal revolution summer series, here’s a quick rundown of things that have happened so far:
- Episode 1 – A lion attack in Los Angeles, a tree in Brentwood filled with menacing housecats.
- Episode 2 – An evil Jack Russell terrier used a plush tiger toy to lure a new father into a Slovenian dog ambush in an abandoned warehouse.
- Episode 3 – A gang of wolves orchestrated a prison break in Mississippi.
And now, thanks to the most recent episode, we can add, and I promise I am not making this up, “A swarm of murderous kamikaze bats killed two Britpop-loving lesbian scientists in Antarctica.” But we’ll get to that.
First, a brief note about our heroes, led by James Wolk, whose animal expert character probably has a name, but will be referred to from here on out as “Dr. Bob Benson.” In order to figure out what’s causing this global animal uprising, the team heads to Mississippi to investigate the wolf prison break. Dr. Bob Benson quickly figures out that the creepy death row inmate the wolves sprung is the alpha of the pack. (Which, sure. Five minutes ago I typed the phrase “Slovenian dog ambush.” I’ll roll with a maniac wolf-man antagonist.) The team decides they need to trap one of the wolves to do it, putting themselves at great risk, which becomes a whole thing that I’m not going to get into because we really need to get to the kamikaze bat. Long story short: They catch a wolf and test its blood in a hotel coffee pot and the dang coffee pot explodes. Watch Zoo.
(Quick question: If they knew all the animal activity was related, which they did, and two of the members of the team were the ones who discovered the tree of menacing Brentwood housecats back in Episode 1, which they were, why in the name of David Caruso did they risk life and limb tracking wolves through a Mississippi forest when they could have just flown to California and grabbed a declawed domesticated kitten? Come on, Bob.)
BUT ANYWAY, THE BATS.