Do you ever wonder what it would be like if an ad for Arby’s aired on Night Vale community radio? Or if Rust Cohle from True Detective or Bret from the Filmdrunk Frotcast took over Arby’s Twitter? Time is a flat circle, and so is the meat-like substance being shaved into a pile and stuffed into your gaping maw. Arby’s. It’s basically food.
No more need to wonder. About anything. Because Twitter parody account Nihilist Arby’s is here to school us on the meaninglessness of it all. Fill that void with roast beef or a close approximation, and check out the best of Nihilist Arby’s below. I’m thinking Arby’s. And I am afraid.
What should our next menu item be? Pizza? Tacos? Bags of blow? Fettuccini? Just kidding. Arbys isn't interested in your opinion. Enjoy arbys
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) July 22, 2015
Try an arbys angus philly today. Or just buy it & throw it away. Or hell, fuck it. Arbys: we don't give a shit if you fuck our sandwiches.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) April 4, 2015
There's no god so why not worship our smokehouse brisket? You'll literally get the same results.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 20, 2015
We aren't mopping the floors tonight because fuck it. All Arby's locations will eventually be destroyed in war or sucked back into the sun.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 15, 2015
You know what? Yeah, in hindsight burgers were the way to go. Whatever. Fuck it. Fuck you. Arby's. We do other shit that's not burgers.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 27, 2015
Arby's: there's almost never a line here.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 22, 2015
Vote Trump. stockpile guns. lick a turd fresh from the toilet. Drive hammered. Eat arbys. Put a GI Joe up your ass. Arbys: Who gives a shit?
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) July 15, 2015
Wanna feel old? You were a non sentient nothing for infinite time before you were born & will soon return to that state. Enjoy Arby's.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 12, 2015
What dumb bullshit did you do this weekend? Did it go well with Arbys curly fries? Oh really? Fascinating. Arbys: a social media presence.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) April 26, 2015
You'll die if you don't eat.
You'll die if you do.
Arbys: we have some sandwiches & shit. Your fate is sealed. Die. Be full when you do.— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) March 1, 2015
Ever feel like no one cares if you live or die?
Commiserate w a yummy Arby's chicken bacon Swiss. No one cared if it lived or died either.— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 6, 2015
You finished the pills at sunrise. Now, all the scotch is gone. It's almost noon. Arbys: your last stop on your way to the bridge.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) March 21, 2015
I scream. You scream. We all scream because life is misery. Arbys: we probably offer some kind of ice cream themed shit.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) March 5, 2015
Do drugs. Punch a stranger. Make love to your cousin. Enjoy Arby's. Arby's doesn't judge. Arby's doesn't care.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 21, 2015
Arbys would like to announce our "please don't get high and come to arbys" initiative. April fools! Life is pain, do whatever you gotta do.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) April 1, 2015
Drive:
Drunk
High
While getting a beej
Through arbys
Into a group of revelers
Nothing matters.
Hit pedestrians.
Namaste.— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) July 19, 2015
It's hump day! Celebrate this meaningless distinction by consuming a pig, cow or bird. Arby's: there are piles of delicious dead everywhere.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 11, 2015
Your sad existence will pull your soul to pieces, and we do the same thing to animals and put em on buns, because fuck it. Arby's: fuck it.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 27, 2015
Drain the blood, cure and slice the flesh, season and fry the potatoes, feed them the sugar water. Be born. Toil. Die. Arby's. We sell food.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 28, 2015
There's nothing like the delicious taste of Arby's because there is nothing. Happiness, friends, lovers: illusions. Arby's: the void beckons
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 20, 2015
Bask in the aroma of charred flesh, and gorge on our hush puppies. Drink horsey sauce right from the pump. Arby's: you're already dead.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 3, 2015
Burgers are a joke. Sliced beef is a joke. Tacos are a joke. Arby's: get High in our bathrooms.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 23, 2015
A soiled, bare mattress on the floor. A naked bulb sways in the gloom. Arby's wrappers, strewn everywhere. Arbys: it's come to this.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 20, 2015
There, at the end of the world, beneath the bloody hooves of those horsemen ushering in the eternal doom, arbys will do 2 for 1 curly fries
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) February 16, 2015
Arby's. Whatever. It's better than nothing.
— Nihilist Arby's (@nihilist_arbys) January 14, 2015