Priceless Jewels, Sharks, And Inflatable Colons: The Best And Weirdest Heists Of 2018

12.06.18 2 weeks ago 8 Comments

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We begin, as always, with our disclaimers.

Number One: I love heists. I love them so much. I love movies about heists and news stories about heists and even just sitting around and thinking about heists. I love big fancy jewel heists and weird food heists and heists of things I had never considered heistable. This is what I am about, on a personal level.

Number Two: My favorite heist ever was the time a guy stole a bucket of gold out of a truck in New York, in broad daylight, and remained on the loose for months, leaving police so frustrated that they released the only picture they had of him, which was him at Madam Tussaud’s sitting on a wax sculpture of the bike from E.T., complete with a tiny wax E.T. in a tiny wax basket. None of these heists are as good as that heist. Because nothing at all is better than that heist.

Number Three: Neither I nor the fine people at Uproxx condone crime, even when it is hilarious. You should not do crimes. But if someone else does a crime, especially if it involves stealing, say, $98,000 worth of ramen noodles (a real thing that happened), well then I see nothing wrong with having some fun with it. That’s all we’re doing here.

Number Four: Pierce Brosnan is at the top of this post because Pierce Brosnan is the patron saint of heists.

And now, without further ado, the best and weirdest heists of 2018.

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