An Alleged ‘Slide F*cker’ Has Been Banned From All Parks And Playgrounds


A 46-year-old British man, Christopher Johnson, has been banned from going anywhere that has a slide after an August 18 arrest when he was caught “simulating a sex act” with a slide at a Coventry, United Kingdom playground — an act that was, unfortunately for him, caught by four witnesses. Although the exact details are not known, reports state that this was not Johnson’s first slide-related offense.

The order bans him from attending any location, including parks, leisure centres, swimming baths, lidos or recreation grounds were there is a slide.

Johnson also received a three-year community order, which includes having sex offender treatment for 18 months, and a rehabilitation activity requirement.

Although rare, the condition known as mechanophilia — a sexual attraction to machines such as cars, bicycles, and airplanes — is not unheard of. Another Brit named Edwards Smith has previously gone on record for supposedly having sex with more than 700 cars. A slide is not exactly a car or a machine, but technically it does get you from one place to another. I don’t know. Far be it from me to attempt to understand exactly what it is about a car or a slide that puts a spring into a young man’s step.

What I do know is that it’s never a good idea to be whipping your dick out in an area heavily frequented by children. Hopefully this guy can stick to SlideHub you from now on.

(Via The Huddersfield Daily Examiner)