Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that things can get pretty comfortable. Maybe too comfortable, in fact. That seems to be the case for the majority of the responses to a recent Reddit thread that dared to ask, “What’s the grossest thing that you and your SO do together?” The answers are funny, disgusting, almost always sexual, and obviously NSFW.
Some are just plain icky and are totally incapable of defense:
I made my girlfriend touch her eyeball to my eyeball once. It took my birthday and a lot of complaining.
Others are unabashedly gross, yet sincere:
My SO had to have emergency surgery to remove an anal abscess that was inside his rectum. The surgeon packed the wound with gauze, and he told us it would come out on its own in 2-3 days. Well, he was correct, but he didn’t tell us that the gauze would slowly seep out an inch or so a day…so on day 2 my poor boyfriend had 2 inches of nasty, blood and pus soaked gauze sticking out of his butthole but he wasn’t allowed to pull on it. My solution was to very carefully cut the portion off that was sticking out, so that meant he had to stand naked with one foot on the ground and the other up on the toilet so that I could have my face merely inches from his anus and endure the smell while carefully cutting off the end of the gauze. I had to repeat the procedure AGAIN on day 3. That was 2 years ago and we still joke about his stank *ss! If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!
One poster sent an incredibly mixed message. Even Sigmund Freud would be proud:
I used to play a game called CPR with my ex.
I would be on top of her like I was going to kiss her. I would suddenly look alarmed and yell “CPR!”
At which point I would seal my lips around her’s and forcefully blow into her mouth. It is a weird sensation to receive, and I loved freaking her out.
She on the other hand used to suck my dick when I was on the phone with my mom. Which wasn’t all that grand.
An elderly Redditor in his 60s recounts a rather sweet story about a particular practice he and his wife partake in whenever it rains:
Let me set up the backdrop first. My wife and I are homesteaders, have been so for 35 yrs. We’ve had 3 of them over the years. All had to have land to produce much of what we eat, garden space to grow veggies and privacy by surrounding woods is a must have. We live in the mountains of N.E. Tennessee and can not see the road, much less neighbors. In warm weather, when it’s raining we like to go out in the yard, strip naked and take our showers in the rain. It’s amazing how free and alive it makes you feel to dance naked in the rain.
The “grossest thing” about it ? Well we are 60 yrs old and I’m sure the younger redditors will say “Ewwwwe !”
Never-the-less we love each other very much, we are still beautiful to each other and we get to be buck naked in our own yard without neighbors calling the law. Ya’ll try that and see what happens where you live.
This begs the question, “How do you internet?” Regardless of the answer, it’s gross but still a great story.
Meanwhile, a rather alpha poster described how he regularly establishes dominance during his more intimate moments:
Have sex while her dog watches. I stare back most of the time.
Another sexually-charged pair engaged in what could only be described as a piss-poor job at being sanitary:
I once urinated inside of my partner, because she said I wouldn’t be able to do it because it wasnt possible.
After pulling out, I essentially pissed all over a sofa, which we gave away to a friend…
Yet the best exchange — no, the very reason this thread exists — comes during a discussion of anal consumption. The original comment describes an otherwise simple truth about the relationship in question:
I lick her *sshole on a regular basis for foreplay, drives her absolutely wild.
The first response provides the opening joke:
We used to do the same until she farted in my mouth :(
But the trophy ultimately goes to a reader well-versed in all things Urban Dictionary:
Ahh.. The ole carribean motorboat!
I’m not that mad about this. At the same time, I’m not really that happy either. Allison Williams, on the other hand, would be proud.
(Via Reddit)