For the last month, Donald Trump’s legal team has been going around the nation’s courts, alleging widespread voter fraud. And they’ve lost every case apart from one. Not only that, they’ve inspired widespread mockery, from their bungled press conferences to their typo-ridden lawsuits. They can’t do anything right. The same day one “Elite Strike Force” lawyer actually told Republicans to not vote in Georgia’s Senate runoff, a star witness at a hearing in Michigan captivated social media — and, of course, not in a good way.
According to The Detroit News, Trump team attorneys Rudy Giuliani and Jenna Ellis attended a Michigan House Oversight Committee hearing, during which they pushed the same discredited claims that have been shot down everywhere else. They also had guests.
One of them — a blonde woman who appeared to a poll watcher — made many bold claims, including that one country’s poll book was off by “over 100,000.” When Representative Steve Johnson patiently explained that they weren’t seeing any evidence of that in the poll books, she replied, “What did you guys to do to…do something crazy to it?” She claimed that she “signed something saying if I’m wrong I can go to prison.” She was sarcastic, she was aggressive, she was condescending, she slurred her speech. Social media was in love.
a drunk woman is trump team’s star witness in michigan pic.twitter.com/qGxEI3hp2G
— marisa kabas (@MarisaKabas) December 3, 2020
Others were also convinced she’d had something before testifying.
This woman has definitely shouted, "No, YOU'RE the one who's drunk!" at a store manager https://t.co/zosBo3Ordw
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) December 3, 2020
Trump’s star witness is Myrtle Beach drunk. pic.twitter.com/mnT596YWqq
— BenDavid Grabinski+ (@bdgrabinski) December 3, 2020
She sounds like she's drunk at the end of the night arguing with the bartender over how many cosmos should be on her tab.
— Tim United (@SirChinHo) December 3, 2020
This is what happens when a box of wine almost becomes a real human. https://t.co/FuU7FjquNt
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 3, 2020
Many simply could not believe what they were seeing.
Is this the Kraken? https://t.co/N6ydcUjkPq
— Terri Staying TF at Home 😷💛🌊💜🙏🌊🌊🌊 (@Gather_theRoses) December 3, 2020
She sounds like she’s talking to an Uber driver at 1:30 am. pic.twitter.com/UWFxkp8eUR
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) December 3, 2020
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) December 3, 2020
Rapidly approaching the Singularity, but for unbelievable shit https://t.co/CA8EEgLmra
— Maki Scare-O (@sciencecomic) December 3, 2020
Sorkin is gonna have a hard time with this one, lemme tell ya. https://t.co/IzMk4AN1yH
— carina adly mackenzie (@cadlymack) December 3, 2020
When the studio kept you waiting in the lobby 40 minutes late, and you know they’re never gonna buy this pitch anyway. https://t.co/xpypTxNGmW
— Justin Marks (@Justin_Marks_) December 3, 2020
Thought this was a skit until The Drip leaned into frame. 2020 mang https://t.co/RrDGLVEty5
— Josh Jackson (@VancityJax) December 3, 2020
— Adam Smith (@asmith83) December 3, 2020
Some pointed out that even Rudy “Melting Goo” Giuliani had to calm her down at one point.
she’s so fucked up even rudy is trying to calm her down pic.twitter.com/9RghXwDZZ7
— Adam Parkhomenko (@AdamParkhomenko) December 3, 2020
Wow. Even Rudy was trying to reel her in. https://t.co/YOiD17mhnd
— Philip Klinkner (@pklinkne) December 3, 2020
Many weren’t sure if they weren’t actually watching sketch comedy.
at this point the only question is whether she’s going to be played by Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong or Chloe Fineman https://t.co/nydZuPl6H6
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) December 3, 2020
This is absolutely Cecily Strong's Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With At a Party https://t.co/TqUqthcX5M
— Christopher Bonanos (@heybonanos) December 3, 2020
— Beverly Nogdrinker (@BvrlyTweetmaker) December 3, 2020
all set for Cecily Strong here https://t.co/BkvDUJkbW5
— Edward-Isaac Dovere (@IsaacDovere) December 3, 2020
This is 100% Amy Poehler doing an old UCB character https://t.co/hlXMMTgAbG
— Jason Bailey (@jasondashbailey) December 3, 2020
— Guy Norman Bee (@guynormanbee) December 3, 2020
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) December 3, 2020
Or maybe she was former SNL star-turned-far right loon Victoria Jackson.
Don’t worry. I had to Google who is Victoria Jackson too. https://t.co/zZeKOdmHZG
— Kaz Weida (@kazweida) December 3, 2020
A Rick and Morty writer claimed it was actually her.
— Siobhan Thompson, mysterious European heiress (@vornietom) December 3, 2020
While the woman inspired a lot of jokes, some sort of admired her.
Don't judge me but I crave this chaotic energy https://t.co/3jAOw13peb
— Q. Anthony (@andraydomise) December 3, 2020
I want to drink with this woman https://t.co/9HdRt7JSPi
— SETH WEATHERS (@sethweathers) December 3, 2020
This is iconic performance art https://t.co/yaHes4hccH
— Tyler Dinucci (@TylerDinucci) December 3, 2020
There was more to her testimony, which found another official saying she wasn’t a “credible witness.” Go figure.
Could’ve sworn I knew her from every retail gig I worked. pic.twitter.com/5WAzVMdYQi
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 1, 2020
When they finished listening to… all of that, the Michigan Republicans at the hearing thought, or at least pretended to think, that she was remotely believable! Just incredible. pic.twitter.com/3xsdquCZD8
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 1, 2020
“I can’t even get an actual job anymore,” says Mellissa Carone. She says she was laid off from Ford before she was hired by a staffing agency to do temp IT work, now claims that Democrats are the reason she hasn’t been hired in the past four weeks. pic.twitter.com/M1j9ecldIM
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 3, 2020
Then again, at least she didn’t say racist stuff, as another witness did.
One of Rudy Giuliani’s witnesses just said she thinks “all Chinese look alike” while making the argument for a voter ID requirement in Michigan pic.twitter.com/WUCYRTzmgu
— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) December 3, 2020
In any case, Trump appears to be no closer to conceding than he was almost a month ago, and not his team nor their army of poll watchers has offered any concrete evidence. Until he does, all any sensible person can do is laugh at them.