Let’s Dissect These ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Videos With GIFs And Snark

Whoopi Goldberg has no eyebrows, and it upsets me. She also brought a clip from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. And it upsets me. The scene starts at 2:24 above, with April O’Neil (Megan Fox) trying to explain “the vigilante” they’ve been investigating to her Channel 6 boss (Whoopi Goldberg, who has no eyebrows).

Don’t try to count all the cliches in the set design and dialogue here. You’ll go mad. But the scene involves sticking pictures of turtles to a wall and writing things like “connecting element is kanji symbol” on a dry erase board. GRRR, INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM. Then there’s this exposition-filled exchange.

“You are now telling me that there are four 6′ talking turtles walking around New York City and no one has seen them but you?”

“That’s what I’m telling you.”

“Is there anything else we should know about them?”

They’re ninjas.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“And they do karate.”

“Do you mean to tell me, April O’Neil who is my employee here at Channel 6 News, that this vigilante — whom we have been tracking here in New York City because we are reporters — is actually four talking turtles who are six feet tall? Is there any other information we — by which I mean me, the only person in this room, and not the audience the screenwriter is shouting directly at — should know about them, April O’Neil?”

I’ll let Whoopi’s no-eyebrow-having face sum up my reaction:

At least they’re no longer suggesting they aren’t mutant teenagers.

Moving on to something less upsetting than that clip/Whoopi’s eyebrows/the turtles’ creepy lips, Paramount also released a somewhat promising TV spot they still managed to ruin with dubstep.

I’ll admit I liked them dancing in an elevator, because I have simple needs.

And this was mildly amusing. (TEAM DONATELLO 4EVA!)

My favorite part was this, and expect us to start tacking these GIFs to every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles post from now on.

Megan Fox jumps the trampoline on August 8th.

Via The Mary Sue, First Showing, Mutant Teens, Strike Hard And Fade Away Into The Night, and Modernly Ancient