If you’re a 20 something adult repping a single status on Facebook, chances are you have a Tinder profile. The dating app that hooks people up based on their location, compatibility and mutual hotness really only has one objective: to get you laid.
This isn’t eHarmony, and Tinder users usually aren’t looking for a life partner, instead seeking that magical one night stand which can be yours for the price of one swipe right, if you play your cards right (and have a kick-ass profile).
Which is why this latest tale of Tinder user Jude from Boston is so tragic. You see Jude, like so many other single males trying to find love in the digital void, knew that in order to attract the right woman, he’d have to create the ultimate dating profile. After hours of Photoshopping and pouring his wittiest one-liners out on a keyboard, Jude created this masterpiece complete with some of the most epic Tinder profile photos the world has ever seen. Here’s a taste:
Alas, even a ribbon-dancing, bear-riding, fire-breathing, puppy-loving Beyoncé back-up dancer can’t find love in the 21st century. The guy’s gone on zero dates and is now seriously making us question the sanity of women in the Boston area. I mean, who doesn’t want a guy with this life motto:
I live my life a quarter pizza at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.
Jude, my friend, keep on being awesome. You’re the hero this world deserves. Check out the rest of his photo awesomeness below.