The World’s Most Dependable Boner-Hiding Technique Failed This Man In Spectacular Fashion

Creative Director
11.21.14 21 Comments

Reddit’s TIFU (“Today I F*cked Up”) board continues to be a go-to source for cringeworthy tales. From a man pooping wrong his entire life to another guy disastrously vacuuming his own farts to a dude masturbating to Louie with horrific results, there’s something for everyone.

Today’s story involves a boner. Specifically, user mollishason‘s wayward boner. And his failure to conceal it. Here we go:

I had been out for a long night of drinking and ended up crashing at a family friend’s house at around 6 AM. I woke up some time around 8 AM and still felt drunk. I remembered that most of my stuff, including my pants, was in the guest bathroom across the hall. The problem was:

A) I could hear his family having breakfast
B) I had a lumberjack-esque case of morning wood.

Being keen to leave, and still in a heavy daze under the sheets, I defaulted to doing the waistband trick to hide my erection.

For the uninitiated, the “waistband trick” is a boner-hiding technique in which a man (or, in most cases, adolescent boy) tucks his penis in the upright position behind his waistband. It’s also known as “The Uptuck,” or simply “The Tuck.”

I started walking through the living room — only to be halted by a large collective gasp. It wasn’t because I was in boxers, it was because I had forgotten that the waistband trick only works if you’re wearing a shirt. I tried to play it off by saying, “It’s an optical illusion.” Surprisingly, I haven’t been invited back since.

“It’s an optical illusion.” I don’t care how many boners this guy showed his friend’s family, they should forgive (and, once the blood dissipates a bit, embrace) him for that line alone.

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