After the jump, watch the first trailer for Burlesque, starring Cher, Christina Aguilera, and Stanley Tucci (The Tooch). I would’ve put the video on top, but I wanted to capture the weird cross-eyed blink thing Christina Aguilera keeps doing with her eyes. For the uninitiated, a burlesque dancer is basically a stripper who can read, and this movie would like us to believe that it’s making a comeback. The movie itself looks like kind of a throwback to something made in the 30s or 40, but I mean that in a good way, because the dialogue is delightfully ridiculous. Some of my favorites lines:
“When you are putting on your makeup, you’re like an artist, but instead of painting on canvas, you’re painting a face.”
CHER: What happened to all the great dancers in LA?
STANLEY TUCCI: They’re all dancing with the stars.
Allie? Is that short for something?
Well, Alice. Welcome to wonderland.
It looks basically like if Showgirls and Coyote Ugly shared a tent at a Renaissance Faire. The best thing about it is the implication that a wide-eyed ingenue from the sticks one day came to LA with a dream, a dream to someday… uh, do elaborately choreographed striptease in a bar full of hipsters and gay guys. I’d like to see the porn version of this, Softcore, where a girl comes to LA and gets a job setting up lights for skinemax movies, but secretly dreams of taking off her clothes and having her belly button humped by soap opera actors in simulated sex scenes. That was how grandma made ends meet after she fled the old country.