“This next song is dedicated to the panties I found stuck under my left manboob last Thursday.”
Mere weeks after I publicly demanded a Steven Seagal reality show, A&E has risen to the challenge. From the press release:
Hollywood action man Steven Seagal is to take part in a new reality series which will chronicle his little-known role as a police officer in Louisiana.
The Under Siege star has been a fully commissioned deputy at the state’s Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office for the last 20 years.
As well as going out on patrol, Seagal is said to be an expert marksman, working with the force’s Swat team, and has instructed officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.
The new show, which has been commissioned by America’s A+E network, will be titled Steven Seagal: Lawman and will follow the actor as he fights crime in Louisiana.
That’s right, the Louisiana SWAT team is taking advice from a guy who nearly walked out of an appearance at Best Buy because the lights were too bright. I can’t wait for his first lecture, Chasing After People: How Far is Too Far? Subtopics will include: Catching Your Breath, Dealing With a Hangover, Adding Holes to Your Gun Belt, and How a Grimace Can be Your Best Weapon.
Also: I hope one of the episodes involves catching this lovable scamp.