I don’t break news myself that often, so when I do, I feel like I should make a big deal out of it. So hey, remember when I said Sean Penn might play Larry in the Farrelly Bros Three Stooges remake? Well… I was right!!!! I was right I was right I was right– Ow, son of a bitch, I stubbed my toe on my Todja So trophy.
Anyway, Variety confirms that Penn will play Larry, Benicio del Toro is in talks to play Moe, and Jim Carrey planning to gain 40 pounds for Curly in the modern “update” of the classic comedy troupe from the directors whose next project is literally called Walter the Farting Dog and stars the Jonas Bros. And now this cast. Here’s how I envision a Stooges movie starring these three going down:
PENN: (voice cracking) I dunno, man, I just… (unintelligible) …I just think, maybe I shouldn’ta killed her. …God forgive me for da things I done.
DEL TORO: (long, thoughtful drag on cigarette) Listen, my frien’. (points with cigarette) You. You did whatchahadda do. That’s it. (flicks cigarette away, blows out smoke)
CARREY: (talking out of his ass) But gee, Larry! Maybe you shouldn’t have tortured her so much first! Maybe you could have just… ASSed her what the problem was. (does backflip)
*Moe shoots Curly in the face*