IT'S ANOTHER AUTO-TUNE TRACK WITH T-PAIN
NEW 'GOSSIP GIRL' TRAILER. YAY, I GUESS.

‘JOAQUIN P GOES CRAZY WHILE BUYING A CAPE’

By 08.10.09

This news item comes from Mike Walker’s National Enquirer column, which generally contains 99% made-up bullsh*t.   But what can I say, I couldn’t resist a headline like “Joaquin Phoenix goes crazy while buying a cape.”

It’s no hoax, folks – Joaquin Phoenix is one nutty fruitcake! The looney-toony star, dressed like a homeless derelict and muttering to himself nonstop, was spotted pawing through racks of clothes at Red Balls on Melrose, where he finally grabbed a black velvet cape, black trousers and mesh top, ducked into a dressing room – and began belting rap songs.

Emerging in his new outfit, he told the salesgirl he’d be wearing it home. Nervous, she asked: “What form of payment will you be using today, sir?”… then nearly jumped out of her skin when Phoenix banged down a wad of cash and yelled: “MONEY!” [Editor’s note: Again, possibly not true, but awesome. I’m totally stealing that.]

Said an eyewitness: “He mumbled madly while the girl counted out his change and offered him a bag for his own clothes. Joaquin never said a word, rushed out of the store wearing his velvet cape – and dumped his old clothes in the nearest trash can!” [Nat’lEnquirer via Celeb]

The eyewitness probably didn’t say that with an exclamation point, but Mike Walker’s keyboard is stuck on ‘breathlessly homo.’  Anyway, I hope Casey Affleck’s documentary comes out soon, because I’m starting to like this character.  And I don’t know how he’s going to top himself short of pooping in random baby strollers.  Same thing happened to Sean Young. It was …quite sad.


TAGSCapesCASEY AFFLECKFECESjoaquin phoenixMIKE WALKER

Join The Discussion


[avatar]

Join the discussion. or Register





Powered by WordPress.com VIP