(“Look at the kitty, George. You wanna go pet the kitties later, George? If you’re good we’ll let you pet the kitties.”)
It’s well known that at one point, George Lucas wanted David Lynch to direct Return of the Jedi. Recently, Lynch was interviewed by some sort of Woody Allen character come to life, and though he said plenty of interesting things, this is the internet so we’re going to focus exclusively on the part that makes George Lucas seem like a weirdo. Lucas story begins at 7:18 of the video after the jump.
“I had next door to zero interest in the project. [...] But I always admired George. He does what he loves. I do what I love, but the difference is, what George loves makes hundreds of billions of dollars. So I thought I should go up and at least visit with him.”
Of course, you can’t just “go talk” to George Lucas anymore than you can “go talk” to the Wizard of Oz.
“I had to go to this building in LA first and had to get a special credit card, and a special key, and a letter came, and a map. Then I went to the airport, and I flew up… ….He talked to me for a little bit, and then he said, ‘I want to show you something.’ Now right about this time, I started to get a little bit of a headache. So he took me upstairs, and he showed me these things called ‘wookies.’ And now, this headache is getting stronger. He showed me many animals and different things. Then he took me in a ride in his Ferrari for lunch. And George is kinda short, and his seat was back, and he was almost lying down in this little car, and we were flying through this little town in Northern California. We went to a restaurant, not that I don’t like salad, but that’s all they had, was salad…”
He goes onto say that he got a migraine and turned down the project. But it sure was nice of him to leave out the part where he found Lucas wearing a sumo diaper made of $100 bills shouting “FEED ME A STRAY CAT!” And as any neighborhood kid will tell you, if George Lucas takes you upstairs to show you his wookie, and the only thing sore is your head, consider yourself lucky.