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Pee Wee goes to Sturgis

By / 08.24.10

It seems we’re in the midst of a Pee Wee renaissance.  He’s been selling out his shows at the Nokia theater, Judd Apatow is reportedly developing a new Pee Wee Herman movie, and Paul Reubens is the subject of this month’s Playboy interview.  But all you really need to know about the above video is: Pee Wee Herman + the Sturgis biker rally + Queen = rainbows and corgis.  It’s just science.  This video will put this in your heart, at least until Lorenzo Lamas shows up.

Okay, I can’t help it, I have to bring up just one point from his Playboy interview:

PLAYBOY: You maintained you were innocent of the charge that you were masturbating in an adult theater.
REUBENS: Had we gone to trial, we had read an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her nondominant hand.  I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand.  That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me.

At first I thought the “Masters and Johnson Institute” was just a pretend organization that old timey comedians reference when citing fake masturbation statistics, the same way my grandpa called taking a dump “seeing a man about a horse,” but apparently it’s a real thing.  As for Pee Wee’s jack stats, I’ve already addressed the fact that I myself have subverted thousands of years of dominant-hand primate masturbatory evolution simply by using my dominant hand to operate the computer mouse, so unless I’m the world’s only anomaly, that defense theory doesn’t hold water.  Finally, is this really a point you want to argue?  I might point out that it’s actually much weirder to pay for a ticket to a porn film in an adult theater and not plan to jerk off there.  “I say, Officer, don’t lump me with these other heathens, I simply came here to partake in a movie film.”


TAGSILLEGAL MASTURBATIONPAUL REUBENSPee Wee HermanSTURGIS

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