A dude over at CinematicJackass recently created this 50s-style movie trailer for Inception, cobbled together from added titles and snips of audio lifted from Rear Window, Spellbound, and Vertigo. It’s pretty damn good, and I don’t have much to add other than that I wish they still made trailers this way. Most trailers are pretty terrible nowadays, even when they’re for movies that ended up being good, like Scott Pilgrim and The Social Network. Remember the trailers for Independence Day or Starship Troopers? Those movies sucked, but holy crap did I want to watch them after seeing the trailers. Trailers were good back then. So good they often brought us to tears, which could’ve been because of the onions we wore on our belts, which was the style at the time. Hey, and what happened to slavery?
Anyway, if you don’t believe me, join me after the jump for a sad journey into the present.
Unstoppable. Okay, so this one’s not so much bad as it is unintentionally hilarious.
“We’ve got an unmanned train moving into a highly-populated area with NO AIR BRAKES?”
“We’re not just talking about a TRAIN, we’re talking about a MISSILE, the size of the CHRYSLER BUILDING!”
“…It gets worse.”
“The train is carrying a load of anthrax and sarin gas to a government lab.”
“…And there’s a kitten orphanage directly in its path!”
“ADDITIONAL EXPOSITORY PHRASE!”
“GET OUT OF THERE!”
Love and Other Drugs. Either someone’s really bad at these, or they’ve figured out that people who see rom-coms want every single dramatic beat in the entire movie spelled out in the trailer, and every tenet of the crappy rom-com strictly adhered to. The dialogue doesn’t even have subtext anymore, it’s just characters spouting their own motivations like they’re still in the pitch meeting.
“She rejected you! That’s why you want her!”
Eureka! You’ve cracked the case, Not Jonah Hill!
NOT SHOWN IN THIS VERSION OF THE TRAILER: Surprise! She has Parkinson’s.
Life As We Know It. See above. Again, why would you even need to see the movie after this? I can barely even tell the titles apart. Mainly, I just like to imagine this one getting the 50s movie trailer treatment.
FORCED TOGETHER BY CIRCUMSTANCE!
WOMEN BE SHOPPIN!
KATHERINE HEIGL GETS BABY POOP ON HER FACE!
In conclusion, the only decent movie trailer of the past year was for The Town.