A while back, I brought you the incredible-but-true news of WWE wrestler Big Show’s debut as a leading man in Knucklehead, a film about a retarded orphan who fights MMA to save the church’s orphanage. It’s a premise ripped from the comments section of this very website. Tragically, the film is going direct to DVD later this month. Happily, we can still watch the trailer! It stars Melora Hardin (aka Jan from The Office) making this face, and features a fart joke, a melvin joke, an implied gay-sex joke, and a really fake-looking bear, all in the same trailer. It’s important to note, however, (*RECORD SCRATCH*), that it does not contain a record scratch (*sad trombone*).
As with most awesome direct-to-DVD movies, the trailer and actual movie are only about half the fun. The other half is going to the IMDB page and going down the rabbit hole of the crew’s past credits. My favorite finds this time include the news that Knucklehead director Michael W. Watkins once directed a pilot for the AWESOMELY TITLED “5ive Days to Midnight.” That’s right, 5ive. We puttin’ numbers in our letter now, gramps, represent.
“College professor J.T. Neumeyer has five days to solve a murder… his own.”
BOOM! I just got a thrill-boner — how did that not get picked up? Meanwhile, Knucklehead writers Bear Aderhold and Tom Sullivan currently have three credits to their name: this retarded church MMA movie starring Big Show, the Larry the Cable Guy vehicle Delta Farce, and Bill Engvall’s Bait Shop. These guys… walk… though… the rain drops.
Please, please, pleeeeease tell me that the moral of the retarded church MMA story is that Jesus didn’t tap.