An E-Trade Baby movie? You’re sh*tting me.

Senior Editor
03.30.10 36 Comments

This kid will be addicted to heroin in five years, if he's not already. Count on it.

Wow.  I’ve hated the E*Trade baby ever since they replaced the original, expressive one with the awful new guy, who just gazes vacantly into the spiritual world like a miniature Paul Walker (which makes it all the more creepy to realize we’re watching a confused baby with a CGI mouth but I digress).  Anyway, now the studio that brought us Big Momma’s Houses, Meet Dave, and I Love You Beth Cooper is making a movie out of it. (*RECORD SCRATCH*):

20th Century Fox is developing a film based on the E*Trade talking babies. No. I am not making this up. Actress and writer Katie Dippold (“Parks and Recreation,” “MADtv”) is penning the script. And no. I’m not kidding. The film is a “mission movie,” about a group of talking babies trying to make their way across the playground. [via Pajiba]

Uh, what?  Where are there talking babies on the playground?  What’s on the other side of this playground that would make these talking babies want to cross it?  And why does this take up 90 minutes of screen time?  Moreover, WHO’S GOING TO GIVE ME STOCK TIPS NOW??  I give up, this is too stupid.  I just hope there’s one girl baby who’s always scooching her itchy vagina around on the grass like a dog, and that Lindsay Lohan is convinced it’s her.

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