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03.11.10 27 Comments

On May 14th, forest tights come in husky sizes.  That’s when Ridley Scott’s Gladiator of Robin Hood movies opens, starring Russell Crowe as plus-sized Robin Hood, Mark Strong, and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian.  The theme of this one seems to be Robin’s continued belief, as his father taught him, that “Kings have a need of their subjects.”  Meanwhile the king thinks, “Yes, for without them, who’s village would I burn down and women rape? Nigh for the king’s subjects doth not going to rape thyselves.”

Then they have a debate about it, and it’s my favorite kind of debate, where they shoot arrows at each other.  Then Robin and Marian have to share a bed, and she threatens to cut his wiener off if he tries anything.  But I bet you $10 they still fall in love.  I’m so excited, this is gonna be just like Leap Year!

Oh hey look, I just found an outtake from one of Russell Crowe’s love scenes:

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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