Senior Editor
11.22.09 50 Comments

Word up, y’all.  Today I’m making like a slut who didn’t finish high school at an arena football game and giving away some free t-shirts.  Rob at ShirtGenius was nice enough to send over these vannin t-shirts, which seem well suited to our purposes.  Rob is a sick son of a bitch, and I like that.  I thought this shirt was also particularly clever.  Anyway, let’s get to it, and as always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post below.  I’ve got two shirts, so I can pick two winners.  It was tough, but I went with Chino Moreno and Confucius.

[From Robert Pattinson wants to be called “Spunk Ransom”]
Chino Moreno says: GIVE ME BACK MY CUM!

It’s funny because in my head I heard it in Mel Gibson’s voice.

[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Confucius say: Standing in line at Twilight premiere to blind man is like day at the beach: Smells like low tide and sounds like seagull fighting over carrion.


[From Chinese Coen Bros remake has rap song written by director]
Confucius say: We far east side, represent. You American rappers bring weakest sh-t. All day long you talk about bitches and grills. You sound like restaurant commercials here.

[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
ChinoMoreno says: If you are seeking to be bitten by Edward Cullen, you had better dress up as a pillow.

[From Trailer for Miley Cyrus’ new movie]
ChinoMoreno says: Miley is totally comfortable in trailers.

Well done.  Just off the leaderboard:

[From Dating video for Trenita, who loves free screenings and wants to do it to “Closer” by Nine-Inch Nails]
The Mighty Fek’lhr says: Her whole existence is flawed.

[From New Moon Premiere Photos]
Morton Salt says:
There’s the one sign that says “You can have the furry one, I want the one sparkles.” That reminds me of my randomly-assigned roommate freshman year of college. He was a furry. He couldn’t get enough of those bizarre sites with the drawings of humans with cat heads, finger-banging badgers, etc. He sincerely believed in unicorns. When I was watching the Jennifer Aniston smash hit LEPRECHAUN, he got upset because “that’s not how leprechauns act -they are friendlies.” The worst part: he was pre-med and I was the theatre major. I thought I had the lock on being the creepy roommate. Time went by, he dropped out to return to his father’s Tennessee goat farm, and I got a single room sophomore year. True story. I miss you, Tiger’ish -his preferred nomenclature- where ever you are.

[From Italy is the new Twilight tourism spot]
Man, how awesome would it be if one of these chicks obsessed with chaste, sparkling white, pussy-whipped vampires ended up getting raped by a real-life Italian convict? Aw crap, did I just wish rape on someone?

Donkey Hodey says: Even worse, you wished sex with a Twilight fan on guys who have already paid their dues to society.

[From Kate Hudson is a humorless C-word]
Donkey Hodey says: I’m going to take that to mean that she stares at the painting while ramming A-Rod up the A with a dildo he affectionately refers to as “Jeter” because it’s just made to wear #2.

[From Chinese Coen Bros remake has rap song written by director]
Donkey Hodey says: Chinese rappers hate Uighurs.

[From Keanu Reeves should be in a movie about Bell’s Palsy]
GlennBeckHasAIDS says:  And the Academy Award goes to . . . Keanu Reeves for The Diving Bell And The Butterfly 2.

[From Nubs the war dog]
I want to award him a squeaky purple heart.

Stone Soup
Heart Worming.

Chareth Cutestory
Semper Fido

Until next week.

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