My favorite part of watching UFC on Spike TV is all the ads aimed at my demographic. They make me feel so smart! REAL BOOBS! FAKE BOOBS! WHICH CHICKS ARE HORNIER?? FIND OUT ON MANSWERS! NOW CHUG A XIENCE, F*GGOT! (*explosions, guitar squeals*) XTREME SCIENCE FOR XTREME C*CK HAVERS! And now, thanks to Date Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy, Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior is coming to the big screen. If you haven’t seen it, that’s the one where two guys dressed like old-timey warriors like Aztecs or Vikings argue about who could kick whose ass. XTREEEME LARPING, OOH WAH-AH AH-AH! (*chugs Mickey’s, cornholes Burnsy*)
Paramount made a deal for Shawn Levy’s 21 Laps Entertainment to produce a big-screen adaptation of sister company Spike TV’s “Deadliest Warrior.” Shawn Levy and 21 Laps President Dan Levine will produce the film, with the possibility that Levy may direct.
“Deadliest Warrior” pits history’s greatest warriors against one another to determine who reigns supreme. Along with the use of 21st century science and the latest in CGI technology, the series enlists world-class fighters, historians and weapons experts to provide insight into the unique history and style of these combatants which culminates in a head-to-head final fight between two warriors to declare which one would have been the deadliest. The first two seasons showed such memorable battles as Spartan vs. Ninja, Viking vs. Samurai, Pirate vs. Knight, Yakuza vs. Mafia and Comanche vs. Mongol.
The film’s storyline is being kept under wraps.
Ooh, I’m so intrigued. Maybe the Vikings will have to save the Ninja Rec Center from greedy Pirates in a break-dance battle? I didn’t see the Comanche vs. Mongol episode, but I imagine the Mongols would’ve been best served putting down the bow and arrow and picking up smallpox blankets. Anyway, between this and Real Steel, the robot boxing movie, Shawn Levy is really making the 8-year-old me staging fights between his He-Man and G.I. Joe toys look like a visionary. No, Joe, Skeletor doesn’t like to be touched that way.
MY PITCH: “Deadliest Warrior Catch,” where a boat full of guys dressed like Spartans compete with boats full of Samurais and Knights to see who can catch the most crab.