UPDATE: See below
According to the world’s ugliest website the Drudge Report, Disney is considering cutting all of Keith Richards’ scenes from Pirates 4 due to concerns about “pro-drug” comments in his new book. And thus, we have everything wrong with the world packed into a single sentence.
DISNEY executives are sweating it out as salty details of an upcoming book written by rocker/actor Keith Richards leak and splash. [Dear Drudge, I want to strangle you with your own mouse cord. -Ed.]
Executives fear the rocker’s shocking admissions in his new book, LIFE, may cause a firestorm and ignite a backlash around the family-friendly Magic Kingdom. [wouldn’t the verb “ignite” work better with “firestorm,” dumbass? How does one “ignite” a “backlash”?]
Among the concerns, Richards appears to detail how to safely get stoned: Use ‘high-quality drugs’ in moderation! Richard writes: “It’s not only the high quality of drugs I had that I attribute my survival to. I was very meticulous about how much I took. I’d never put more in to get a little higher. That’s where most people f**k up on drugs.”
One well-placed entertainment source explains that Snow White may end up dumping her Dopey! [Oh my God I hope you die. Of all the Disney drug references you could’ve chosen, you picked “Dopey”, even though Disney being “Snow White” in this situation doesn’t make any f*cking sense. And you thought this was clever enough to warrant both an exclamation point AND a separate paragraph. God you’re a jackass.]
“They very well could end up cutting Keith out of the new movie over this,” claims the insider.
“We here at Disney apologize. We had no idea one of the world’s most famous rock stars had done drugs, and once we found out, we had no choice but to fire him from our movie about guys who sail around drinking rum and raping people.”
UPDATE: It’s hard to believe, but the word from Disney is that the story is not true. Say what you will about Drudge, he may have his facts wrong, but he sure does write like a f*cking idiot.