Friday Free For All: This space-age fart blanket can suck it

Senior Editor
04.30.10 43 Comments

As seen everywhere on the internet today, it’s the “Better Marriage Blanket.”  It purports to be able to “completely and quickly absorb” flatulence using “military-grade” odor-absorbing fabric “originally developed for use against chemical weapons.”  It has its own website, and so far, no one seems to be able to tell if it’s for real or meant as a gag gift (I fear that between the Snuggie and the Shake-Weight, the line has been forever blurred).  The phone number definitely works and the website offers up some convincing testimonials:

“It must be working because I have not woken myself up since I started using,” says Elena from Arizona [aka the woman who can wake herself up with the power of her own farts].

I have many questions, not the least of which being, “Can I wrap this around my drugs to throw off police dogs?”  Does it work on queefs?  Please tell me it works on queefs.  Or better yet, develop a separate edition strong enough for a fart, but pH-balanced for a queef.  Really, anything that will allow me to keep typing “queef.”   I also question whether the manufacturers have considered all the fun my girlfriend and I have had over the years farting and pulling the covers over each other’s head.  Sometimes she’ll smell so bad that I vomit, which in turn makes her vomit, and by then we’re both usually so hot that we do it.  It keeps the spice in our relationship.  I dare say it’s brought us closer together.  So if this is for real, Better Marriage Blanket people, I think you have a lot to learn.  A lot to learn about love.

Better-Marriage_Blanket-website

Friday Free for All Disclaimer:  Friday Free for All is that time of the week I reserve for posting any videos I damned well feel like, because by Friday, I don’t give two rat’s assh*les whether something is tangentially movie-related or not.  Feel free, nay, encouraged to  send me yours, but only if it’s not stupid (exception: if it’s brilliantly stupid).  And be sure to include a self-addressed stamped coffee can for me to fart in.

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