YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING, BUT ONLY POOP COMES OUT

Senior Editor
06.01.09 24 Comments

Whoa, dude, he’s messing up the yarn! You’re f*ckin crazy, Heathcliff!

Most people remember Heathcliff as cheap knockoff of Garfield or not at all.  But that won’t stop Hollywood from trying to make a movie out of it.  Hell, they’re optioning bubblegum wrappers these days.   Still, you have to feel bad for the guy who has to try to make it sound like a great idea.  And by feel bad I mean want to put in a duffel bag and hit with hammers.

Irascible orange housecat Heathcliff will be getting a second life on the screen courtesy of a joint venture between family toon studio Magic Lantern Entertainment and rights holder FitzRoy Media. The two companies have pacted to develop a range of properties, from direct-to-DVD toons to a potential live-action theatrical feature, around the flabby tabby, updating the popular comicstrip character for the 21st century.

Translations: “Updating for the 21st century” = “Adding sunglasses to”.  “Irascible” = “God I hate this job.”

“He’s not your typical cuddly kitty cat. He’s a really cynical, wisecracking character who has a contemporary perspective we could do a lot with,” said Magic Lantern prexy Jeff Segal. [Variety]

10 bucks says Jeff Segal carries moist towelettes around with him to wipe his dick after he pees.

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