NEVER GO FULL VAMPIRE

Entertainment Editor
08.17.09 19 Comments

Bloody-disgusting reports:

Universal Pictures is looking to restart Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles, which tells the tale of the vampire Lestat Du [sic] Lioncort (through his narration), a nobleman-turned-vampire in the late 18th century. […]

We have confirmed this afternoon that ROBERT DOWNEY JR. is in close talks to play the vampire Lestat in Universal Pictures’ The Vampire Chronicles, a newly rebooted franchise based on Anne Rice’s popular novels.

No way.  Robert Downey, Jr. as a dandy French vampire?  I can just imagine the meeting at Universal:

“Vampires are so hot right now.”
“We haven’t turned every Anne Rice napkin-scribble into a movie yet have we?”
“If we call it a reboot we can use any book we want.”
“Great!  Now who can play a femmy, blond, 18th century French nobleman and also deliver this pretentious emo dialogue without a hint of sarcasm or exasperation?”
“I’ve got it!  Robert.  Downey.  Junior.”
“Magnificent.  Make it happen.  Now let’s bring the meeting to a close, shall we?  Ramone!  Bring in the biscuit.”

~ robopanda

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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