10.07.09 8 years ago 22 Comments

(Your worst nightmare, butthorn)

Adrien Brody has agreed to take time out of his busy schedule of making out with black chicks to play the hero in Robert Rodriguez’ Predators movie.  He’ll play a “heroic mercenary who battles alien hunters,” according to Variety. A heroic, cerebral, glib, Jewish, mercenary, presumably.

Brody will star with Alice Braga, Danny Trejo [!], Walt Goggins, [old-school MMA-guy] Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa.

Hollywood Reporter adds:

Written by Rodriguez, Alex Litvak and Michael Finch, the script follows a group of elite warrior-types who are being hunted by members of a race of merciless alien trackers called Predators.
Brody is a man who ends up inheriting the mantle of leader and is known as a hunter of men. Topher Grace would play an accountant-type whose unassuming facade masks a dangerous serial killer.
Braga is the tough female killer. Ali is a man not afraid to die, Goggins is the loose canon [sic] of the group and Taktarov is a former Russian special ops agent.
Trejo, already cast, is Cuchillo, a hardened warrior with twin uzis strapped to his back.

I’d imagine your cannon would have to be pretty loose to be considered the loose cannon in a group that also includes Danny Trejo. “Hijole, what are ju doeen, puto?!”  It’s also interesting to pair a guy who kept his real first name, “Mahershalalhashbaz”, with a guy who felt the need to change “Chris” to “Topher.”  Who used to be on a show with another Chris who now goes by “Ashton,” incidentally.  God I hate white people.  Anyway, Fox + reboot + Robert Rodriguez = this is probably gonna suck.  Like your mom.  Whose cannon is rather loose.

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