Do you know what today is? That’s right, today is the 54th birthday of National Treasure star and National Treasure Bruce Greenwood. Calling Bruce Greenwood an “actor” is like calling Jesus Christ a guy with a beard, and though we celebrate the anniversary of his birth, his physical age is largely irrelevant as he is immortal. On this date each year, it’s customary for us to bathe in the sacred waters of Quebec’s Lake Osisko near the place where Bruce Greenwood first appeared on Earth, in order to absolve ourselves of any physical imperfections. Then we stand at the water’s edge, clearing our throats heavenward and giving each other the firm, friendly pats on the backside of the Greenwood brotherhood, and exchange framed headshots of our spiritual leader.
A day such as this is also the perfect time to re-read some passages from (now sadly defunct) first book of BruceGreenwood.com:
Did you know that Bruce Greenwood:
- is left handed?
- had the nickname “Greendog” while growing up?
- has a grandmother from Edinburgh and his great-grandfather was the Royal Astronomer for Scotland, who helped discover the almucantar?
- watched television rarely as a child since it was rationed and he saved up his half-hours to view Wide World of Sports on weekends?
- dislikes scarey films and – as a child – was even frightened by the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz?
- lost a front tooth in a tussle some years ago and cheerfully removed it for his part in The Sweet Hereafter?
- lived on his own after Switzerland exploring the European ski circuit?
- was supplementing his theatrical career with a job in a chemical factory when he unexpectedly got the part in his first movie, Bear Island?
- broke his leg during a dance routine in the touring company of Cruel Tears?
- invented an inflatable hat (with best friend Norman Foote) shaped like the Vancouver Stadium Dome for The Grey Cup of 1983?
Yes, Jesus may have walked on water and turned water into wine, but Bruce Greenwood invented the inflatable hat. Jesus’ dad created the Earth; Bruce Greenwood’s great-grandfather discovered almucantar. I doubt the similarities end there. Additionally, Bruce Greenwood’s bare chest cures depression. Witness:
-Thanks to fellow Greenwood society member Scott for the tip.