It’s a great day to be alive, because the trailer for New Moon, the sequel to Twilight, just hit the web (watch it below).
In it, Bella goes to a vampire birthday party but then she gets a paper cut (…from a cake?), and the vampires can’t control themselves at the scent of her blood. Get it? The blood is like a metaphor for the sweet Mormon poon that all the guys want. But they can’t control themselves around it, and that’s why you have to do it in the butt until you’re married. Anyway, so then Edward the super-white vampire casts Bella off into the woods for her safety, and before long a vampire less moral than Edward, ie a black guy, comes and tries to eat her, because as every Mormon knows, black people are made of mud and thus not to be trusted. But just as she’s about to be attacked (girls are so helpless without shirtless boys to save them, lol!) some half naked savage TURNS INTO A WOLF and saves her. Holy sh*t, when did the abstinence parable turn into a three wolf shirt? This might be awesome after all.