Recap: ‘Dancing with the Stars’ – Results – Chuck vs Melissa

04.28.09 9 years ago

Kelsey McNeal/ABC

In what Tom deems “the most exciting elimination yet,” the eighth elimination of this season of “Dancing With The Stars” seems to me to be clearly between Melissa (who is injured, and thus forced to be judged on her very weak rehearsal video), and Ty (who is clearly the worst dancing star standing).  As I suspect some serious pity votes from “Bachelor” fans already pitying poor Melissa, I’d be surprised if Ty wasn’t the one to go.

[Results after the break…]

With the elimination only really taking up the final three minutes of the show, we start off with the “judges’ choice” of the previous night’s best effort… And for once I’m not complaining.  It’s “Team Tango”‘s group dance,  which begins with shirtless Gilles and Ty helping a vampy Lil’ Kim off a table to the tune of Britney Spears’ “Womanizer,” and ends with a perfectly choreographed finale (it was the first time ever in the history of DWTS I actually watched a clip of it on the internet the next day).

With his unique blend of hip-hop and and r & b (hip-hop, really?), Robin Thicke becomes the latest singer to whore him or herself out on “Dancing.”  He’s sweating a lot, and as per usual, I can not get past how much he looks like his dad, Alan (I keep having visions of “Growing Pains”).   This makes me incapable of taking him seriously, which is heightened by the fact that this is “Dancing With The Stars.” 

Post-Robin (but don’t worry, he’ll be back for a second song!), we get our first sight of Melissa, who informs us that she has started new treatment and is still somewhat unsure if she’ll be able to perform next week.  So far, we’re not sure if she’ll have that option, as we get word on the first safe couple: Lil’ Kim & Derek (who had the highest score going into the night).

Now we get a ridiculously pointless segment called “the perfect partner,” where the judges just yammer on about what makes a good dancer (wisdom from Carrie Ann: “You have to have the right mental attitude”.. groundbreaking, C.A.).  

Wow, we already get a second safe couple and its not even 9:30 yet.  And whoa, its Ty & Chelsie.  I stand corrected.  So either its Melissa, or a bit of a shocker…

Then we get a horrendous fake commercial for something called “Dance Match,” which – I realize I complain a lot of about the segments on the results show, but this may be the worst thing they’ve ever done.   “Dance Match” is some sort of phone-dating system, except – oh my god, this is so hilarious – it’s for dancing!  Somebody is paid to come up with this stuff.  And 20 million Americans are watching it. 

Robin Thicke again.  Less sweaty, still not hip hop.

And yet another couple who’s safe: Gilles & Cheryl (so that makes all of “Team Tango” safe)

Oh dear… Another fake commercial.  Its a fake PDA for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Dancing (PETDA… get it?)

20 minutes left, and we’re at the contest-within-a-contest segment of the show, in which four dancers are competing to “dance with a star” next season.  I’m thinking nobody really cares if I relay this for you, and I’m struggling to remember who’s who or even maintain focus on the television screen, but here goes in very condensed form:

Genya and Afton, dancing together but also competing against each other (!)… both of whom seem just fine to me with their quickstep, though Afton’s bizarrely large forehead scares me a little; Mayo and Anna, who step things up with the, uh, quick-step, complete with various impressive flips and kicks… Mayo seems the most into it, but his intensity is, like Afton’s forehead, frightening.  I really have no opinion as to which of the four best deserve your vote, but I’m gonna say Anna.

9 minutes left, and we get another safe couple: Shawn & Mark.  So it’s between Chuck & Julianne and Melissa & Tony…  I don’t know if my predictions are worth anything at this point.  Len & Bruno both make cases for Melissa being the best choice to stay, despite her low votes last night (Melissa gets teary eyed). Carrie Ann stays neutral.

The couple who is going home tonight???  

Chuck & Julianne.

Whoa, kind of a shame, considering how well they’ve done in the past few weeks (though I sound like a hypocrite considering I spent weeks advocating their removal prior to that), and it still blows my mind Ty managed that many home votes to beat them out.   Hopefully he’s out next week, and Melissa manages a recovery, so that the final four are truly the best four couples.

What’d you think of this week’s results? Did the right “star” go home?

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