Pre-credit sequence. We’re starting at the Villains camp, because they had the more contentious elimination. “For the first time in all of those times, I was shocked last night,” Rob says reflecting on the last Tribal Council. As he puts it multiple times, “Something just doesn’t feel right.” They’re all discussing how badly Tyson blew things and wondering what this will do to Russell’s confidence. Courtney, silent most of this season, refers to Russell as a “Bandy-legged little troll” and makes fun of his schoolboy crush on Parvati. And, indeed, Russell and Parvati and Danielle are giggling and cackling, which frustrates Boston Rob. He doesn’t know if the three of them are just stupid or if they know something he doesn’t know about the people sharing his shelter. Rob notes, “I was born at night, but not last night.” I prefer El-P’s version of this particular truism.
[For a full recap of Thursday’s (April 1) “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” click through…]
Crazy-Pants. There’s a hungry turtle. And a wave. What does that have to do with the Villains? Is Jerri the hungry turtle? I don’t know, but Jerri is uneasy. Russell, however, is awake and alert. Everybody else around camp is depressed, but Russell isn’t depressed and he and Danielle begin to work their mojo on Jerri. Russell, the ultimately people person, is overjoyed at the idea of bringing together enemies Jerri and Parvati in an alliance to benefit him. Parvati makes the case that she isn’t going to run off to the Micronesia Alliance if they merge, but Jerri is hemming and hawing. Parvati mocks Jerri’s trust issues, calling her “Crazy-Pants.” Parvati senses that they’ve made in-roads with Jerri and that Jerri’s jealous of Russell’s heroic behavior from last week.
Ladies and gentlemen, your Heroes. And speaking of Heroes, it’s time to go to their camp, where Colby remains uninspired and miserable. But he isn’t the only one. The entire tribe is a wreck. Rupert is especially worried, saying that the tribe needs Colby to step up. But is Colby ready to step up? Well, he’s relieved that he survived the past two weeks and acknowledges that “It’s put-up-or-shut-up time for Colby.” From my vantage point, he looks best prepared to shut up.
Colby is feeling it. And by “it,” I mean “Candice’s rear end.” We’re ready for a Reward Challenge. It’s yet another physically brutal challenge mixing water polo and basketball with few real rules. Want to know what they’re playing for? A trip to a waterfall for a healthy lunch with protein and fruits and veggies. Colby scores first for the Heroes. He’s ready to “put up.” After Colby lays Jerri out with a tackle, Candice scores, putting the Heroes up 2-0. It’s a competition to 3 and Colby scores his second basketb, giving his team reward. Colby is so overjoyed that whan Candice hugs him, he grabs a big hunk of her rear end. Oh yeah. Colby is feeling it. Meanwhile, Rupert and Russell get into a little irrelevant shoving match off to the side. But let’s go back to Colby copping a feel.
Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Or Immunity Idols. The waterfall is, as advertised, quite beautiful. And the Heroes are feeling rejuvenated and ready to take down the Villains. As everybody tears into their wraps, Candice tears into a scroll and reveals that another Idol has been hidden. The Idol harshes everybody’s buzz. “The game still creeps back in,” Rupert laments. The clue says something about a bridge, a tree and two currents. At JT’s urging, they agree to find the Idol as a tribe and use it against the Villains. “We’re now fighting the good fight as a team,” announces Colby. This is a whole new Colby. Ah, the power of wraps!!!
Coach Wade’s in muddy waters. Suddenly, Coach has a Colby look about him. He’s scruffy and skinny and miserable. Jerri is also still wavering. The Dragonslayer and his Dragon Bride sit down with Russell, who assures the happy couple that he wants nothing more than to take the two of them to the Top Three. Coach, fooled by Russell earlier, isn’t buying what Russell is selling today. But Jerri is gone. She wants to stay with Russell, but she doesn’t want to do it without Coach. And Coach declares that he’s honor-bound to stay with Jerri, as Jerri raves at the size of Russell’s balls. Jerri has “discovered” that Rob isn’t trustworthy, but Coach points out that this season Rob has been true to his word ever vote. Coach feels betrayed by Jerri. There is absolutely no light in Jerri’s eyes. Where did the bitch go? Ah. There she is. To the camera, Jerri says that as much as she likes Coach, she doesn’t think he’s in it to win it. The piano plays mournfully in the background. Are we seeing the end of a happy couple? This is as bad as when I heard Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins broke up. No. That’s a lie. But it’s definitely as bad as when I heard Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy were through. Yup. Just that bad.
Parvati bounces on her booty. Immunity is up for grabs. Again, it’s Tribal Immunity. The challenge includes an elaborate relay, followed by a puzzle. So that means that the Heroes get out to a lead and then the Villains win, right? Nope. Parvati gets a lead on Rupert and Courtney keeps the lead for the Villains. The Villains stay in the lead, with Jeff Probst praising Parvati’s ability to fall on her “booty.” On the second way through, Courtney squanders the Villains’ lead, with Candice and Colby putting the Heroes in the lead as the puzzle begins. Again, it’s Boston Rob on the puzzles and Jeff makes sure that everybody remembers Rob’s gift with puzzles. But Boston Rob can only work his magic if the Heroes blow a puzzle and in this case, JT and Amanda are doing surprisingly well. Can the Heroes hold on? They can! Heroes win Immunity. “We got whooped,” says Russell, who sat the challenge out. Coach decides that Courtney is the weak link and needs to go home.
Uh-oh. I’m not liking the way this is going. So now what, Villains? Russell was unimpressed by Rob, Sandra and Courtney. He calls it “pitiful,” which is easy from his position on the sidelines. Talking to to Boston Rob, Russell is blunt that they need to lose either Courtney or Sandra. Rob is incredulous at Russell’s honest approach. “You’d be amazed how good that approach works sometimes,” Russell says, as Rob insists he won’t vote for either of them. Russell says that Rob sees his demise coming. Here, Rob approaches Coach, who says that the two choices are blindside Parvati or vote out Courtney. Coach doesn’t understand Rob’s loyalty to Courtney, while Rob tries to make a course for voting Russell out instead. Coach insists he’s standing by Rob and they agree that they’re voting Russell out. Rob thinks that playing on Coach’s loyalty is his weakness and it seems to be working. Or it seems to be working until Coach goes over to Russell who throws out the idea of blindsiding Rob. Coach applauds Russell’s restraint in not bringing this up sooner. But now that the words are out of Russell’s mouth, that’s his plan. “What’s the positive in keeping Rob around besides keeping the tribe strong?” Danielle asks, tellingly. Coach is now tortured.
Jerri is not a good Villain. Boston Rob approaches Jerri and asks if they’re targeting him. Jerri lies and says she doesn’t know, but Rob reassures her that she knows what to do. “I am at your mercy. I don’t have a leg to stand on,” Rob tells her. “You can always trust somebody when their backs are against the wall,” Rob says, coddling Jerri. He goes so far as to call her smart. Now Jerri is tortured, telling Coach, “I feel like I’ve aged five years in one day.” Coach makes it clear to Jerri that it’s too soon to vote Rob out. Jerri whines, “I’m not a good Villain. I’m just not.” Indeed. That’s actually always been the case, Jerri.
Tribal Council. How is tonight’s vote different from all other votes, Jeff asks Sandra. Sandra has no answer for where things are going to go. Coach admits that without Tyson, he’s a bit adrift. “Tyson was the guy who, in my opinion, bridged that gap,” Coach says. Amusingly, that’s *exactly* what Tyson told me last week. Jeff calls last week’s Tribal Council one of the strangest he’s ever seen. Russell and Parvati agree that they were just sticking with their alliance last week and that’s how they played. Rob and Russell get into a bit of a pissing match regarding which of them has a better idea of keeping the tribe strong. They also argue over their definitions of loyalty. “I don’t think you have the guts to do what I did last Tribal,” Russell tells Rob. Coach looks at both of his friends and begs them to reconsider their disagreements, to come together. The Dragonslayer has become the Peacemaker. “At some point, you pick someone to trust,” Rob says. Jerri’s in the middle.
The Vote. Rob writes Russell’s name down and says, “It’s game over. It’s either you or me.” Jerri holds her card up and says “I’m making a choice tonight in the hopes this will be right for me in the end.” Intriguing. Jeff begins to tally the votes… Rob. Russell. Rob. Russell. Rob. Russell. Courtney. [Coach is silly.] Rob. BOO!!! Coach goes to hug his buddy, but Rob rejects him and says “You’re a little man.”
Bottom Line: What’s to say? Coach went with his gut and voted Courtney out, even though he had to know that it was basically a vote against Rob. And he did it anyway. Rob was my favorite player in the game — with the possible exception of Amanda, who I like for very different reasons — and I’m annoyed that he’s gone, but even a player as good as Rob can’t be responsible for keeping track of a crazy man’s sense of honor. And as for Jerri? Well, she’s never done especially well in this game before and if she thinks Russell is going to honor his pledges to her, that explains why she does so poorly. Bye, Boston Rob… Gonna miss you. [And from the tease for next week’s episode, it sure looks as if the tribe misses him as well. I’d lament more, but I have a fantasy baseball draft to run off to.
Are you also gonna miss Boston Rob? Did Coach do the right thing? Did Jerri do the right thing?