Here’s an unpopular opinion that at least two of you reading may share: McDonald’s is goddamn delicious. It’s not just delicious when you’re super drunk at 2AM and it’s the only thing open; it’s delicious all the time. And if I could afford to enjoy two to 15 hash browns every morning (without triggering at least one concerned phone call from my primary care physician) you can bet I’d do it for the rest of my life.
But that’s not the only thing that’s great about McDonald’s. As Douglas Charles points out over at Bro Bible, the fries are also so amazing you’d swear they’d been sprinkled not with salt but with angel dust (not the drug, dust from actual angels) and crack (the actual drug). So how do you take perfection and push it even higher, taking your McDonald’s game into the stratosphere even if you haven’t memorized the secret menu or don’t live in a place which offers unlimited fries or those drizzled with chocolate?
Fortunately, the people at Quora are here to help. In a recently unearthed thread, McDonald’s employees shared some of the most important hacks that you can use to ensure that your fries are fresh, that your big macs are always cheap, and that your cheese is melted so well that it will bring a tear to your usually dry and apathetic eyes.
Here are some good tips right off the bat: Never use the drive-through if you can go inside, because counter service is faster; order the “All-American” meal if you just want the Happy Meal without a toy (although, why? That’s the best part!), and try to go during a busy time if you can. Why? Because when there’s a line out the door, the fryers are going at full capacity, meaning you’re going to get the freshest Big Mac you’ve ever eaten in your whole life.
Here’s some more advice from someone who is (or was, at one point) an employee at The Golden Arches:
-When ordering breakfast, try a round egg on your sandwich. It’s the best egg we have (and definitely real!) I’d recommend it on the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit/bagel.
-If trying to use coupons at the drive thru (particularly those great deals you have on the app), let the order taker know that you have more than one order and use your coupons away! (it will only take off one per order)
-While ordering in, ask for an unsweet iced tea. It has no tax, and you can substitute the foam cup for a plastic if you’d prefer.
-If you want fresh fries, order them sans salt. This ensures that we have to make a new batch, just for you. You could also request a fresh batch and you’re likely to have good luck there, too. This same trick works for a Filet o’ fish ordered without the cheese.
-Try asking for your bacon well done. In my opinion, it tastes MUCH better.
-Running on a budget, but craving a Big Mac? Ask for a McDouble (or two on the 2 for $2 menu) dressed like a Big Mac- hold the ketchup and mustard, add lettuce and Mac sauce. You’ll save a few bucks and I’ve heard they taste great too.
-Last of all, be kind! I promise you, the teenager (such as myself) behind the counter will appreciate you more and you might just make their day at a crummy fast food job that much better. (You’re also much more likely to get better food quality and save a few cents here and there if we like you)
See that? Kindness! Always appreciated. But wait, there’s more, because you could be saving money:
I worked at a McDonald’s down in Texas one summer, and I realized something strange about one of the most commonly purchased breakfast sandwiches.
Sausage Egg McMuffin (sausage patty, cheese, & round egg on an English muffin) – $2.99
Sausage McMuffin (sausage patty & cheese on an English muffin) – $1.00
Side of a Round Egg (à la carte) – $0.99
So basically, if you order a Sausage McMuffin off the Dollar menu and get the egg on the side, you save 33.3% of your total order. These prices aren’t exact at all McDonald’s locations, but I have since only ordered my Sausage Egg McMuffin like this, and it’s always cost me under $3 ?
And who can forget the secret menu hacks that Ronald doesn’t want you to know about? Sure, you may already know about the McGangBang (try ordering that at the counter), but did you know about all these options?
“Lettuce Wraps”: Take any burger or sandwich you like. Hold shredded lettuce if it has it, add leaf lettuce, ask them to make it a lettuce wrap if they look confused. I eat them just like I would a sandwich or a taco, but a lot of people grab a fork and knife.
MacDouble: Mcdouble. hold ketchup, hold mustard, add mac sauce.
Deluxe Mcdouble: McDouble, hold lettuce, and onion. Add onion slice, leaf lettuce, tomato.
Premium Side Salad: Side Salad. Add grilled chicken. (Or add bacon, or add steak, or any other of a variety of options).
Breakfast:
McCrepe: Pancakes smothered in Fruit n’ Yogurt Parfait (Some locations are persnikity about this, and you’ll have to add the two together yourself.)
Brunch:(10:30-11:00. Although at locations that offer some breakfast items all day, it can be done all day.)
Double McMuffin: Order a mcdouble hold the bun, and a McMuffin, Ask them to stack the mcdouble inside the McMuffin. It’s like 400 calories, making it a very substantive breakfast, but it’s a great combination of flavors.
Chicken McMuffin: Egg McMuffin, add chicken patty (grilled or breaded, your choice. Alternatively, the ground turkey patty can work too.)
That’s literally enough McDonald’s for a full day of McDonald’s meals, which sounds pretty cool in theory until you watch that Morgan Spurlock documentary about how terrible eating fast food is and realize that you want to be here just a little bit longer than the people who died out in their early 30s during the middle ages.
Still, even if you go to McDonald’s only once every couple of years (which is not appropriate, no matter what anyone says; you should be up in there eating those hash browns on the daily) at least now you’ll know how and what to order instead of just checking out the menu.
