Earlier this week, BuzzFeed’s Katie Notopoulos brought up something that’s been on everyone’s mind for years, but only she was brave enough to actually say it: “Surprisingly little information on the internet regarding the legend that John Popper was too obese to masturbate.” I have never cared about anything as much as John Popper’s obese masturbation habits or lack there of, then John Popper started commenting on people commenting on his obese masturbation habits or lack there of.
Now that’s my life’s passion. *nine-minute harmonica solo*
What a charmer. But here comes the hook:
Carrot Top is stoked that for the first time, he’s not the worst person in a photo with three people.