When I got home from the shittiest game in NBA Finals history last night, I had about twice the normal amount of email I usually have after a couple hours away from the ol' thinkin' machine. Then I took a close look at the subject lines — Elijah Dukes strikes again; Dukes again; Elijah Dukes keeps on givin'; Elijah Dukes is setting up franchises; Elijah Dukes Lovechild; More baby mama drama for Elijah Dukes — and I wondered if, just maybe, Elijah Dukes had done something of interest.
And indeed he has: Dukes allegedly impregnated a 17-year-old foster child who at the time was living with his step-grandmother. (A foster child? Dukes is a genius! Those teenagers don't have parents who get all pissed off when you give 'em a little attention.)
The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators.
Oh, c'mon now. It probably wasn't even one of the big Gatorades you drink when you're hung over. Elijah was just bullshittin'. He usually lets you know if he means otherwise.