So Arsenal got smashed in its Champions League semifinal match with Manchester United last night (those names are linked up because this is America and you’re under no obligation to know anything about soccer). And apparently one of their fans took it a little too close to heart. I just spent ten minutes working on a ‘tie’ joke, which you’d think would be somewhat easy with a low-scoring sport like soccer and a fan from Africa that hung himself after his team lost. And I have nothing…except this bus ticket to Hell sitting in my lap. Eh, as long as it’s an aisle seat…
Suleiman Alphonso Omondi, a 29-year-old Kenyan living in the capital Nairobi’s Embakasi neighbourhood, hanged himself in his Arsenal shirt late Tuesday after the match, police said.
“We were watching the match at Bamba 70 pub, and when Arsenal was defeated, Suleiman just walked out in protest and he was crying,” Calvin Otieno, one of his friends, told reporters.
I can only say that I wish more Cowboys fans would start doing this. Seriously, I can appreciate that this guy didn’t just suddenly start rooting for the Red Sox after this game was over. Or whatever the English equivalent of the Red Sox would be. The Burgundy Knickers Cricket Club, perhaps? It just feels to wrong to be making such callous jokes when I haven’t even eaten lunch yet.