By: 07.23.10  •  10 Comments

Yankees third baseman and alleged closeted gay Alex Rodriguez slapped his 599th career dong last night. A-Rod’s 4 RBIs helped push the Yanks past the Kansas City Royals. He had a chance to hit No. 600 last night in the eighth inning, but he didn’t. Obviously, because he sucks.

The three-time AL MVP connected on an 0-2 pitch from reliever Robinson Tejeda(notes) for his 16th home run of the season. Rodriguez, who turns 35 on Tuesday, is closing in on becoming the youngest player to reach the 600-homer plateau. Before last season, he admitted using steroids from 2001-03 with Texas.

“Nothing’s as exciting as what happened last November,” he said, referring to his first World Series championship. “Now, I have a different perspective on things.” –Y! Sports.

Everyone’s gonna talk about how great this is for baseball and how Rodriguez is a real hero for the game, and that’s fine. I should point out that I have zero career home runs at the major league level, but then again, I’m also a practicing heterosexual. Advantage: me. But I should just be grateful that this week’s Yankee Talk is actually substantial enough to be national news, as opposed to discussing Robinson Cano’s sore back or Hideki Matsui trade regret. It’s just another reason to be annoyed with baseball, even if you’re a fan of one of those other teams. *points nose up in the air* *polishes monocle*

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