Buccaneers linebacker Geno Hayes got face-raped by a pair of scissors over the weekend after his girlfriend stabbed him. Hayes suffered wounds to the head, neck, and probably ego as well. Usually when I lose blood, I feel like more of a man. And then the nurse offers me cookies. And then I offer her a cookie…and that’s why I don’t give blood anymore.
A sheriff’s spokesperson said Hayes, 21, was treated and released from a hospital Saturday evening. He suffered superficial wounds.
Hayes’ girlfriend, 19-year-old Shevelle Bagley, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
Hayes played in nine games in 2008, his rookie season. I’m pretty sure that Shevelle Bagley is of no relation to Ed Begley, Jr, who surely would have endorsed running over Hayes with an electric car. That probably would have made a better Photoshop.