Mike Tyson is Not at All Desperate

10.17.06 11 years ago

So, Mike Tyson is in the news again, and the only way I can organize my thoughts is to bulletize them. (Yeah motherfucker, bulletize is a word. Or at least it is now.)

1. Tyson is now 40 years old and embarking on the "Mike Tyson's World Tour." If you think it sounds suspiciously like a traveling freak show, you would be correct.

2. He's thinking about fighting women. For the record, he is a convicted rapist and his ex-wife accused him of beating her.

3. He's campaigning for U.S. Senate candidate Michael Steele, Maryland's Republican lieutenant governor.

4. Tyson will fight Corey "T-Rex" Sanders in a pay-per-view event on Friday night… from the bustling metropolis that is Youngstown Ohio.

Gosh, so much to work with here that I don't know where to begin. However, a word of advice to Corey Sanders: as a pugilist, your arms are a pretty important part of your body, essential for striking your opponent and whatnot. So maybe selecting a nickname that's an extinct animal with useless, almost vestigial, forelegs is maybe not the best move.

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