01.25.07 11 years ago 5 Comments

The Miami Heat (19-23) finally got Grimace Shaquille O'Neal back in the lineup after a 35-game absence, but still blew a twenty-point third-quarter lead to lose to the Pacers 96-94. Somebody named Danny Granger exploded for 14 points in the 4th quarter to spark the Pacers' rally.

I feel like I should mention that the Heat are the defending champions. Gross, right?

"It's good to be out there with the guys, but obviously there's a lot of rust," O'Neal said. "The rust will wear off and I'll get my rhythm back."

Uh, dude, that's not rust. Those are calcium deposits, because you're fucking old. And he could theoretically get his rhythm back, but I don't think he can find the wormhole back to 1999 that will make him good again. At this point the Heat's best use for Shaq is to eat him after a plane crash high in the Andes leaves them stranded and without food. He'd feed them for weeks. Bonus: they'd get free from his massive contract.

Although if they ate Antoine Walker first, I couldn't blame them. He's full of tender meat, and you know he'd be bitching about the cold. 

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