The Monday Morning Suck-Off runs every week during the NFL season.
Well, it was a great weekend for tight games in the NFL. Two matches went into overtime: the Giants beat the not-dead-yet Bengals, and the Bucs slipped past the Bears thanks to Brian Griese’s 400+ passing yards, several Chicago blunders, and the sticky-tack hands of one Jerrapy Stevens (pardon the typo). Elsewhere in Closegamesville, the Broncos survived the Saints 34-32 thanks to a failed two-point conversion and a missed 43-yarder with two minutes left, while Josh Scobee kicked a game-winning 51-yarder to boost the clock-eating Jags over the Colts, 23-21.
Rounding out Sunday’s nailbiters were the Bills, who proved that you only need to play one quarter to beat the Raiders. After mailing in three-fourths of the game, Buffalo scored 17 points in the fourth, winning 24-23 on Rian Lindell’s last-second field goal. The win boosted the Bills to 3-0 and first place in the AFC East, because the Patriots got their asses handed to them by the Dolphins. Ronnie Brown rushed for 113 yards and four touchdowns (and threw for a fifth), resulting in countless “faaaacks” across New England and at least three suicides by fantasy owners who benched him.
But who sucked hardest yesterday? Matt Cassell gets a nod for getting curb-stomped on the way to encouraging Joey Porter to run his mouth. The Lions, Texans, and Browns all remain winless after embarrassing blowouts. But there’s harder sucking out there.
The winner of the Week 3 Suck-Off is the state of Missouri. The Rams made an 0-2 Seahawks team playing with castoff wide receivers look like an offensive juggernaut as they fell to 0-3 with a 37-13 loss. St. Louis has been outscored 116-29 this season. Yikes. Several hundred cornfields and swimmin’ holes away, the Chiefs look just as bad: they lost their 12th straight game while getting ass-stomped by the Falcons. Skeleton-humper Tyler Thigpen was 14-36 with three picks. Go to sleep, Chiefs fans, and don’t wake up until April. You’ll have your pick of quarterbacks in the draft.