TEXAS RANGERS

Randy Johnson is Losing It

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The best part of watching Dirk Nowitzki throw out the first pitch at a Texas Rangers (via this video, courtesy of <a href="http://lastangryfan.com/2011/06/dirk-nowitzki-and-his-gangliness-threw-out-the-first-pitch-at-rangers-mets-game/">The Last Angry Fan</a>) game isn't his massive jorts that could house a family of five or his general gangliness, but the idea that Nowitzki cannot comprehend balls that travel in a straight line.

THE DUGOUT

The Dugout: F@#%ing Avril Lavigne

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For absolutely no reason, welcome to our new weekday feature All Avril Afternoons, where Burnsy and I choose to sit inside and write about Avril instead of running around barefoot in the grass and enjoying what's left of our youth.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS

Nationals Cut Obama For Opening Day

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Fans of the Washington Nationals will be lining up at Nationals Park for today's 1:05 game against the Atlanta Braves to mark the start of the 2011 Major League Baseball season.


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