VATICAN

In A Shocking Story, Cocaine Was Seized By German Officials Headed To The Vatican

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Cocaine was found headed toward the Vatican by German officials. You'd think praying was enough.

#Animals

Two Ridiculously Adorable Polar Bear Cubs Made Their Debut At A Zoo In Germany

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Hey everybody, come look at the adorable twin polar bear cubs that were introduced at the Hellabrun Zoo in Munich, Germany today!

TAX FRAUD

A Former Playmate Of The Year Was Jailed For Failing To Report Gifts From Her 86-Year Old Lover

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Swetlana Maslowskaya reportedly failed to report $2.5 million that she'd received in gifts from her very wealthy and very old sugar daddy back in 2004.

#COSPLAY

This Awesome Dad Built An 'Aliens' Power Loader Costume For His Baby Girl

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Check out this 'Aliens'-inspired baby Power Loader costume built by a dad to wear with his daughter to a parade.

SOCCER

A Soccer Analyst Called Per Mertesacker ‘The Big F*cking German’ On Live TV

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Sky Germany's Chris Lymberopoulos actually referred to Per Mertesacker by his colorful nickname on live TV this morning.

SVEN BOEKHORST

Sven Boekhorst Took His Latest ‘Cityhopper’ Documentary Across Europe

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Inline skater Sven Boekhorst grabbed his blades and ramp and recorded a new 'Cityhopper' documentary while traveling across Europe.

GERMANY

Probably The Best Insane Commercial For A German Grocery Store Ever

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That's it, I'm doing all my grocery shopping in Germany from now on.

REALLY OLD STUFF

The First Ever Porsche Car Is On Display For The First Time Since 1902

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Hidden away in a shed in Austria since 1902, the very first car produced by Ferdinand Porsche is finally at home in Germany's Porsche Museum.

#emma stone

Here’s ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2′ International Trailer, Now With More Emma Stone

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The international trailer for 'The Amazing Spider-Man 2' has some new footage, including more humor and Emma Stone.

viral video

Shirtless Germans Videobomb The News

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A pair of shirtless German men dance their way onto the local news.

Samuel L. Jackson

Samuel L. Jackson Partied At Mother F*cking Oktoberfest This Weekend

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Actor Samuel L. Jackson enjoyed some beer and German tradition at Oktoberfest in Munich this weekend.

germany loves david hasselhoff

Finally, David Hasselhoff Is Going To Star On Germany’s Celebrity Big Brother

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According to two tabloids, David Hasselhoff will star on Germany's version of Celebrity Big Brother, because Germany loves David Hasselhoff.

#TRAILERS

I Don't Know What's Going On In The Trailer For 'Buddy' But It Looks Wonderful

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Bleeding Cool <a href="http://www.bleedingcool.com/2013/08/30/first-trailer-for-german-comedy-buddy-looks-pretty-wild/" target="_blank">Tweeted out this new trailer</a> for the German comedy Buddy this morning, and I thought, “Okay, let’s see what this scheiße is all about,” even though I don’t speak German and their humor is sometimes a little strange to me.

SHIT

Examining 7 Iconic Poop Scenes, Set to the Bristol Stool Scale

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Editor's Note: By now you may have noticed Evan Harold's writing voice in your <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/tag/morning-links" target="_blank">morning links</a> and <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2013/07/comments-of-the-week-kirk-cameron-blows" target="_blank">comments of the week</a> posts these past few months.

#Animals

Justin Bieber's Monkey Finally Has A New Home

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The German government found Justin Bieber's pet monkey, Mally, a home at the Serengeti Park in Hodenhagen after the pop star failed to ever claim him.

#COSPLAY

Paulina Gretzky Went To/Cosplayed As Germany

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We're gonna go ahead and count this as another hockey post.

SOCCER

Dirk Nowitzki's Charity Soccer Game Flop Is Amazing (And Morning Links)

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Dirk Nowitzki participated in a charity soccer game in Germany over the weekend, and although his squad lost 8-7, Dirk took home the Moment Of The Game with an epic, hilarious flop.

GYMNASTICS

87-Year-Old’s Incredible Gymnastics Routine

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German gymnast Johanna Quaas performs a very impressive routine on the parallel bars.

SOCCER

And Now, 22 One-Legged Men In An Ass-Kicking Contest

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<a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2013/06/and-now-22-one-legged-men-in-an-ass-kicking-contest/one-legged-charity-match" rel="attachment wp-att-114905"></a>I'd like to preface this clip of one-legged soccer players getting into a bench-clearing brawl by saying holy shit, there is no way this is real.


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