Posts Tagged: why god why?

adam sandler

Taylor Lautner's Amazingly Hilarious Role In Grown Ups 2 Was Revealed

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With That’s My Boy set to queef up theaters on June 15, all eyes will soon turn to Adam Sandler’s first sequel, Grown Ups 2, which is turning out to be quite the star-studded affair.

AT LEAST IT'S COMPETITIVE

The Best Of The 2012 Old Timey Coney Island Strong Man Spectacular

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If I had to define and specifically choose one dream job for myself for the next 365 days of my life, I’d want to travel around the country, attending the most bizarre and ridiculous competitions.

Crap

Seltzer & Friedberg prepping Hunger Games parody 'The Starving Games'

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When it comes to doing more with less, Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg could challenge Helen Keller.

KORTZI

Holy Barf: A Van Helsing Remake with Tom Cruise Attached

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Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (Transformers 1 & 2, Star Trek, Cowboys & Aliens, a million other things) get tired if they're not attached to twelve projects a month, and after <a href="http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/peter-parker-gets-transformer-ed-alex-kurtzman-roberto-orci-to-pen-the-amazing-spider-man-sequel-20120424?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter" target="_blank">booking re-write duties</a> on Sony's Amazing Spider-Man sequel† (that's the sequel to the upcoming reboot, if you're keeping score at home), they needed something else to keep busy.

OVERSEAS BOX OFFICE

Uh oh. Battleship opens #1 in 24 of 26 countries.

By | 28 Comments

Battleship opened in many territories overseas a month before it's set to open here, and given that it's a $200 million-plus movie ($209 million* according to the studio, $250-plus according to everyone else) based on a board game, its performance could have severe consequences for how many more of these pieces of shit get greenlit.

ADAM SHANKMAN

Whoa, I think I just fart-barfed

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Here's the latest trailer for Rock of Ages, starring Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julianne Hough, and the invisible grinning face of Satan.

JOHN CUSACK

Jane Fonda to play Nancy Reagan in a movie I'll never see

By | 31 Comments

Ever since The King's Speech, there have been more and more movies that seem more like unintentional parodies of Oscar movies than actual movies - The Iron Lady, Albert Nobbs, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

E!

Clint Eastwood's wife manages a South African boy band

By | 8 Comments

There are probably a dozen or so celebrities I could name off the top of my head that I would never imagine agreeing to allow cameras into their lives, and somewhere near the top of my list would be Clint Eastwood.

BASKETBALL

And The Emmy For The Most Terrifying Sex Swing Moment Goes To…

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A while back I thought it might be fun to watch Khloe & Lamar and recap it for our readers and after a whopping two episodes I gave up, because there was only so much I could take of scripted love and Lamar Odom’s best friend, Jamie Sangouthai, who it the real life Turtle from Entourage.

BASKETBALL

Please Jeremy Lin, Don’t Date Kim Kardashian

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Kim Kardashian rose to fame after a sex tape of her and Brandy’s brother, Ray J, “leaked” and then she latched on to other reality TV leaches like Paris and Nicky Hilton until she became the face of her own family’s empire.

TOOTH FAIRY 2

Larry the Cable Guy stars in the Tooth Fairy Part 2. No, really.

By | 30 Comments

For those of you who thought the 2010 film The Tooth Fairy, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was a little too Mr.

JON FELTHEIMER

“We’ll NEVER Stop Making Awful Twilight Movies,” Vows Lionsgate CEO

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Okay, first I should admit that wasn't a real quote in the headline, but it is what I heard in my head after I smashed it against the desk, and that's close enough to reality for me.

REMAKES

Because We Needed A ‘Police Academy’ Reboot

By | 30 Comments

In case you missed it, I recently wrote a feature about Hollywood’s love affair with <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2012/01/radio-free-filmdrunk-celebrating-hollywoods-love-affair-with-the-cold-war#page/23">using the Cold War as a backdrop</a> in films, and one of the movies that I highlighted was Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, the seventh and final Police Academy film, released in 1994.

BASKETBALL

Dear Saturday Night Live, Please Stop Making Us Hate Charles Barkley

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I ran into Charles Barkley at a bar in Orlando on my 30th birthday a few years back, as he was in town for the NBA playoffs, and I had two of my paid escorts attractive lady friends approach him and ask if he’d take a picture with me for my birthday and he said no.

IRELAND

Just The Thing That Boxing Needed: Snooki

By | 9 Comments

If the heads of the World Boxing Council, Federation and Association were looking for something that could recapture the public’s fascination and fanfare of their corrupt sport, I’m not sure this latest bit of boxing news is going to do the trick.

lionsgate

Turns Out The ‘Saw’ Franchise Isn’t Done

By | 14 Comments

Two years ago, when Saw VI was released on Halloween like the 5 installments before it, it marked what most people believed was the end of the repetitive torture porn franchise.

adam sandler

Grown Ups is getting a sequel, your prayers have been answered

By | 23 Comments

It’s awfully fitting that during the same week that I started writing my feature for the Worst Movies of 2011, the studio that gave us my choice for the <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/12/the-10-worst-movies-of-2010">Worst Movie of 2010</a> has announced that it wants a sequel.


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