Ranking All Of The NBA’s Mascots Based On Sheer Creepiness

07.14.16 3 years ago 10 Comments

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Mascots. Mascots are creepy. They have big heads, dead, soulless eyes, and do not make noise. They prance around during games doing elaborate actions which can be amusing, but when you take a moment to actually look at them, they are terrifying. Some, however, are more terrifying than others. While there are those that merely make us a bit uncomfortable, some are otherworldly horrors that haunt you for years. We’ve ranked the NFL mascots in this manner already, so now it’s time to judge the NBA.

First off, a note. A few teams have multiple mascots, and both will be included in this list. However, several teams have no mascots — the Brooklyn Nets, Golden State Warriors, New York Knicks, and Los Angeles Lakers. The Nets and Warriors both once had mascots, but they were bad and no longer exist. The Lakers and Knicks have never had mascots, although I officially nominate Lakers Guy as the unofficial mascot.

To the rankings!

28. Benny The Bull

Benny isn’t that creepy. If you saw him in a dark alley, he’d probably escort you out and back home safely. He seems like a really jovial dude. He has a fun surprised expression on his face at all times, wears his uniform well, and has really delightful hair that shows he can have a little fun. Maybe his incredibly approachable facade makes it easier for him to be a serial killer, but if I had to be murdered, at least I’d get to fluff his amazingly soft face while I die.

27. Bango the Buck

Bango doesn’t so much look like a creepy monster as he looks like your annoying Boy Scout of an older brother. A little too pompous and self-righteous, he’s too busy trying to do the right thing to an insufferable extent. He won’t let you have any fun that isn’t pre-authorized. Bango won’t be scary until later in life, when all his accomplishments are slowly torn apart by his first marriage. Then he becomes a drunk shade of his former self and you don’t want to take your kids to Uncle Bango’s house.

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