You know the NBA is moving All-Star Weekend away from Charlotte. And you know that word on the street is New Orleans is the front-runner to land the beast of a weekend. What you may not know is the competition is already over. I’ve compiled the ultimate list of reasons New Orleans should land the 2017 All-Star Game. Game over, y’all, this is New Orleans’ time to shine.
Reason No. 1
Last year, claims that the Slam Dunk Contest “is back” littered basketball blogs across the world. Momentum must be maintained in order to keep the crown jewel of All-Star Saturday night in tact. Since geographical dunks are bae, here’s a list of dunk contest ideas that will only work in New Orleans.
LeBeignet James: Throw powdered sugar from Cafe Du Monde in the air at the scorers table then hold up a tray of beignets, catching as much of the sugar as you can. Share the treat with the judge’s table before your between-the-legs dunk (with powdered sugar stains on your jersey).
Drew Brees Hail Mary: Stage the future mayor of New Orleans, Drew Brees, in the corner on the opposite end of the floor. Have the Super Bowl XLIV MVP thrown a football up (or a basketball designed as a football) for the next Slam Dunk Champion to rattle the rim with on the other side of the Smoothie King Center.
The Blackout Dunk: Parody the Super Bowl fiasco by cutting off the lights as a dunker is making his way towards the basket. When the lights come back on, he’s hanging on the rim wearing a Ravens jersey.
Reason No. 2
Most music venues, theaters, and banquet halls are likely already rented out for Carnival season so where will scores of unofficial events be thrown by record labels, shoe companies, and visiting players? I honestly don’t know, but I’m excited about the possibility of Damian Lillard putting up a concert at the Walgreens on St. Charles Avenue or Tyreke Evans having a cocktail party at his own house.
If Russell Westbrook wants to host a fashion show at the Convention Center, it’s likely too late – but I bet Gene’s Po-Boy’s would be down.
Reason No. 3
During the 2014 All-Star Weekend (true story) Sway from MTV got in my cab after the Dunk Contest. Traffic was terrible and cabs were hard to come by, so I let the poor guy in. He took us very far out of the way, made me late for a show, and didn’t even cough up his share of the fare. So, another bonus if New Orleans scores the game in 2017 is maybe Sway can pay up?
Reason No. 4
J.R. Smith, ladies and gentlemen. pic.twitter.com/VILj1X5e35
— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) June 20, 2016
The last two times the festivities were in the Big Easy, LeBron James (2008) and Kyrie Irving (2014) won the MVP. The patterns of the universe dictate that the next Cavalier to win MVP would be J.R. Smith. If Swish wanted to re-live his post-Finals Vegas celebration, I can think of a few places on Bourbon Street that would love to have him.
Reason No. 5
In 1981, during halftime of Super Bowl XV, a Mardi Gras parade was staged in the Superdome. The halftime show was Mardi Gras. It hasn’t happened since then, and, well, there’s something very wrong with that. Interestingly enough, February 19, 2017 falls right in the thick of the road to Mardi Gras day. The city will be in full on Beast Mode with more than 10 parades scheduled for that weekend. Let’s re-route the afternoon uptown parades, Sparta and Pygmalion, directly into the Smoothie King Center. Let’s crown the Slam Dunk Champion the King of the Krewe of Carrollton, and have his reign begin immediately upon raising the trophy. Let’s just incorporate NBA All-Star Weekend into Mardi Gras every year as a tribute to the greatest big game city in the world – N’awlins.
