Sorry, I lied. But I have telepathic vampire baby news.

Senior Editor
04.07.10 65 Comments

I knew as soon as I promised that Chocolate Pattinson would be my last Twilight story of the day that God would probably f*ck me like the Virgin Mary, and so it is.  I apologize, but I have to report this.  The story is that Bill Condon, director of critical darlings Kinsey and Dreamgirls, is supposedly close to a deal to direct the final Twilight book about snorkeling vampires, telepathic adult fetuses who become love interests for wolves, and vampire teeth c-sections.  Lol wut?

Summit Entertainment hasn’t signed him for Breaking Dawn yet, but I’m told that after several strong meetings, they are negotiating.  Shooting will begin in the fall, and I heard the plan is to shoot two films back to back.

Presumably, Condon would do this as his next project, and push back the picture he had planned to direct. That’s an adaptation of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, which he was putting together to be distributed by Fox Searchlight. Hollywood hasn’t given Summit its due on the Twilight pictures. Like them or not, these pictures have been better than they had to be, given the ferocious fan base. They are exciting movies with a fresh contemporary feel. [Deadline]

Uhhh, did the Deadline guy just admit to owning 20 cats?  Much as I like to make fun of Twilight, I never wanted to jump on the Twilight sucks bandwagon just because it was a chick flick.  But now that it’s on cable… have you actually seen it?  It’s terrible.  I can’t imagine something further from “exciting movie.”  They never really bond in any meaningful way, they just immediately “fall in love” and spend the entire rest of the movie acting sullen and awkward and emo about everything, especially around each other.  If that’s supposed to be romantic, then your idea of romance is saying pompous things and never really knowing each other.  Fine if you’re 12, but if you’re reading these books past the age of 16, sorry, you’re a f*cking idiot.

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