The Internet Absolutely Roasted Russell Wilson For His Ridiculous ’90s Inspired Poster

07.27.16 2 years ago 3 Comments

So Russell Wilson finally got married, which means his vow of chastity was finally broken. Now, he’s a new man with new confidence, and he has a new poster out. And it’s… well, it’s not great. Put it this way: Darren Rovell said it was cool. That’s pretty much a death knell for the actual coolness of anything.

I mean, what’s going on here? DangeRuss is Wilson’s preferred self-appointed nickname, so “ARMED AND DANGERUSS” is a pretty logical progression to go from there, but everything is just so much. The sleeveless tee? The combat boots and blue camo pants? Russ is one of the least “soldier-ish” players out there; his squeaky clean image-polishing for the sake of promoting brands has seen to that. But that’s not even the start.

So his arm is his weapon, we get that. Yet all those, I guess, ammo boxes, are insane.

  • 1st Down Balls
  • Red Zone Specials
  • 50-Yard Bombs
  • Flaming Bombs(?!?!)
  • Needle Threaders
  • OT Game-Enders
  • And finally… MAGIC RUSS’ BAG OF TRICKS

So apparently he’s both a gritty human weapon with ammo boxes with all different names that still contain just footballs AND a magician with a duffel bag for his act? Forget my mocking tone, that’s an AMAZING concept for a movie. Russ Wilson is… Agent Alakazam! Would watch.

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