Power Ranking The Best Colas (Besides The ‘Big Two’)


Look let’s be real. You shouldn’t be drinking soda. It has more than 80% of your daily allotment of sugar, it strips the enamel from your teeth staining them yellow and causing cavities, and it dehydrates you. But also… f*ck that noise.

Because some days, especially in summer, few drinks can be more refreshing and enjoyable than a nice cold soda (or pop if you’re one of those). It also works as a great mixer. Not the most complex mixer perhaps, but it adds a sweetness that pairs perfectly with the earthy tones of a good whiskey. And you won’t find a better beverage to join with a slice of pizza or a classic cheeseburger.

The debate over which you prefer: Coca-Cola or Pepsi has been raging for years. Pepsi tried to claim the upper hand once by holding a taste test across America, but without a palate cleanser you can’t trust the results. Plus they lit Michael Jackson’s hair on fire in the 80’s and that’s much worse than Coca-Cola and their active campaign to trick us into thinking that Polar Bears and Penguins don’t just live together (they don’t) but they’re best friends. This argument will probably continue on indefinitely.

But what of the Jill Steins, Gary Johnsons, and (for you Gen X’rs out there) Ralph Naders of the two party cola system? We’ve scoured the local markets in search of all the colas to rank so we can fill you in how the third parties compare to the big two. Here is a power ranking of the best colas (beside the two you’re thinking of), measured in pure, virgin, untouched-by-sugar molars.